Kathy says,

<<  I think it is a good thing
 for the mother to be mainly tuned into her child rather than her spouse
 after birth, and I think this is an opportunity for the husband to also
 realize that the needs of the baby and the preferences of his wife should
 come before his sexual gratification as well -- a time for growth in
 emotional maturity for him??
  >>

I agree with this assessment, and also think that the low libido some women
experience may result from being "touched out."  A baby who is breastfeeding
8 to 12 times a day for 20 to 30 minutes or thereabouts each time is drawing
a lot from the mother physically and emotionally.  She's tired -- even if she
is napping when the baby naps and so forth; even if the baby sleeps for a
period of 4 or 5 hours at night; she's still tired.  I think some women may
feel as though they would like to be held -- but don't ask me to perform.
They've been performing all day and would like nothing better than to pull
the covers over their head and just *be* for awhile.

Also, there are many women who still are having a lot of vaginal pain from
the episiotomy -- despite the assumption that it completely heals in 6 weeks,
I betcha in the US, there are many women who are still having pain at 3 to 6
months.  And that may go for moms who have had a C/Section, as well.  If it
hurts, one isn't going to be welcoming sexual intercourse with the fervor
that one once did.

Now, there are a lot of women for whom none of the above is an issue.  Does
that make either "abnormal?"  Certainly not.  If vaginal discomfort is an
issue, then she needs to be encouraged to seek help.  If she's tired -- she
certainly needs some help in the home.  Maybe a bit of mothering of the
mother would go a long ways towards getting her "in the mood" again....

And hopefully, in the meanwhile, dads are learning patience and how to be
loving without being demanding.

Jan Barger - in sunny Wheaton

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