Bettina,
I think every lactation counselor has dealt with lactation failure...oooh I
hate that word.  How can we help these women come to their "mothering" when
they are so disappointed?  First one thing we can do, and probobly we're the
only ones who can really understand their grief is to listen and achnowledge
their feelings...as you would with anyone who is grieving.  Try to help her
reframe her feelings and rethink her expectations....when a mother sees her
mothering as only breastfeeding or givng birth vaginally or any other number
of "expectations we set for ourselves"  We can maybe help her reach her
potential and adapt to that place...she becomes all that our life
expects...the best mother she can be...and it will be the perfect match for
her child...help her see what a wonderful mother she is, how beautiful her
child is, what a wonderful gift she has in this child...whoever and what
ever his road may be. It will take her awhile but with gentle support she
will adjust.  I have found that it also helps to achnowledge that her
struggle has helped me to help others...it usually does...someway.
        This has been one of the hardest things for me.....to do my REAL job in
helping a woman become the very best mother to her baby...by helping her
breastfeed or if she can't....to help her mother this baby.  I'd love to
hear more comments on this very delicate issue.
        Keep listening to this mother help her keep trying as far as she wants to
go, help her breastfeed or help her bottlefeed her with the love and
closeness of breastfeeding.  Sorry this is long but I've been struggling
with a dear woman who is putting herself through such heartache over
his.;( where's that magic wand when you need it.

Learning from sad situations too
Linda Rosetti
Clarkston, Wa.

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