>As for the sleeping through the night thing-- I thought I was responding to
>someone's question as to what I say to parents WHO DO NOT WANT TO COSLEEP
>with their children.

Just a comment here -- I try not to assume that people really "do not want
to sleep with their children" when they ask me about this issue.  Sometimes,
it is not the parents who have any problem with the co-sleeping, it is the
grandparents, or the neighbors, or the co-workers, or the "friends" or the
pediatrician.  The parents are actually looking for someone to simply say
"It's OK to sleep with your child."

Even if they phrase it as "Gee, our two year old is still in bed with us and
we can't figure out how to get him to sleep on his own."  They may just be
looking for support -- if they aren't sure that it is OK to keep on sleeping
with the child.

Other times, all it takes is a few minutes of explanation (teething, daytime
distractedness, developmental progress) to plant the seed of an attitude
change.  I suspect it takes less time to do this than to outline various
methods of getting the baby to sleep on their own.  Certainly if the
pediatrician acts as though not sleeping through the night by a certain age
is a problem, the parents will perceive it as a problem.  If the
pediatrician acts as though nursing past one year of age is bizarre and
perverted, the parents will question their decisions to keep nursing.  On
the contrary, if the pediatrician educates the parents that night-waking is
normal and healthy, and much easier to cope with if the baby is co-sleeping
and breastfeeding, then their influence will help parents understand and
meet their babies needs.

Another situation I sometimes find is that the mother is quite happy with
the baby in bed with her -- it is the father who objects.  Then you can
either try to "train" the baby, or you can try to "educate" the father.  I
guess I just feel it is incumbent upon health care professionals to provide
accurate information about what is normal infant behavior, rather than
support the cultural status quo which contravenes normal infant behavior.
People can always go buy Ferber's books if they want to take that approach.

And, as has been discussed before here on LactNet, many children and adults
do not sleep through the night at any age.  It is a cultural belief system
that says you should go to sleep and sleep without waking at all until it is
time to get up in the morning.  Around the world, and in the US as well,
people of all ages get up to pee, get a drink, eat, read, watch TV, let the
dog out, gaze at the stars, etc. etc. etc.  And let's not forget hot flashes.

Kathy Dettwyler

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