Kathy I shared your post with my neighbor/friend/mentor.  The following
is her response.  Please feel free to contact her directly for more
information if you need to at SUSAN LUDWIG
<[log in to unmask]>.  Her response is as follows:

> Monique,
>
> Thanks for sharing the case with me.
>
> There were several things that struck me while scanning the posting from
> your list.
>
> The first cause of concern is the terminology that the author uses quoting
> the high school counselor.  In my experience, most high school counselors as
> well as many other professionals do not have much, if any, formal education
> relating to parenting or early child development.  My red flag is an adult
> making the statement that a parent is "giving in to anything the baby
> wants."  This is probably an extreme overgeneralization and shows that the
> person making the statement is harboring judgement and biases towards the
> teen parent.
>
> From my point of view, responding to an infant's needs is a very positive
> thing.  Many teen parents are not tuned in enough to even notice when their
> child does have a need.  This is not because they don't care or are "bad"
> people but rather because, as expected, most teens are not developmentally
> ready to respond to the needs of another individual due to the egocentric
> nature of their own self-awareness.  The issue is clearly that the teen
> parents, both of them, require on-going and intense mental health and social
> support which should include a home visiting program and positive parenting
> education.  If this is a client of a public welfare program, then these
> interventions can most definitely be tied to on-going receipt of TANF or
> public welfare funds but bear in mind, the primary goal is adhearance to the
> plan in order to help the family, not to punish them or sanction them for
> failure to be successful.  In addition, if these are students enrolled in a
> high school program, the school district, by accepting additional funding to
> provide services for enrolled teen parents, should be providing
> comprehensive parenthood education and counseling.  Any support service
> provider, such as a Breast Feeding Consultant, can act as an advocate to
> ensure that the parents are receiving the proper level of services.  It just
> takes a release to share information, parent permission, and a phone call to
> the school.
>
> The counselor was correct to contact the local Child Protective Service
> program but should not stop there.  Any hitting of any child is serious.
> While I maintain a policy that hitting is never acceptable, many states do
> not consider spanking abuse but rather a "poor" parenting choice that cannot
> be controlled by law.  However, combined with other risks, (poor hygiene and
> health care, improper nutrition care, failure to use car seats consistently,
> etc..), the state can open a case which would allow the family a network of
> support to begin, all with the goal is teaching the parents how to best care
> for and bond with their child.  Each professional working with this family
> should be contacting the Child Protective Services over and over, to share
> all information that would assist them in determining the best route of
> action.  Failure to speak up can only hinder the parents success.  I often
> find professionals unwilling to "report" their clients because they feel
> they can help them if they maintain confidentiality, or they are on the
> verge of a success breakthrough.  In reality, it takes a network to really
> help change lives, not just one worker.  We do an injustice to others when
> we think we can manage their problems on our own.  This family needs to be
> given the tools to do without the need for any future workers.
>
> "Holy terror"????  Indeed, children should not be labeled in this way, ever.
> The child's behavior should be described objectively and with the intent to
> help.  Is the child acting out by crying and tantruming?  This is great.  It
> must mean that the child is bonded at some level to the parent.  Children
> often act out in front of their own parents.  That's where they should do
> this.  Hopefully, it's where they feel safe enough to let the whole world
> fall apart for however long it takes to unwind.  If I was a 16 month old
> who'd been away from my parent, I think sharing this frustration would be
> top on my list as soon as I saw them. The parents should be given
> information about how to help the child transition back into their care, to
> allow the child to express their feelings, yet provide boundaries about safe
> unleasing of tensions and stresses.  If the child just ignored the parent
> and went off blindly with them, hardly responding to them, this would be far
> more cause of concern to me.  If, in fact, mom is ready to stop bf, she
> needs to be supported to introduce a new bonding activity with the child
> upon their greeting.  (i.e. rocking in a chair for a few minutes while
> drinking ebm from a cup).  The transition from bf is dramatic for any child,
> especially those whose parents do not have a full and healthy "tool bag" to
> use to help their child.  It's no wonder the child is acting out.  I'm sure
> the child senses things are not the same as well as the parent's
> resentfulness.  It seems a great time to cease the activity.  Teen parents
> do need more time than other parents to be a "teen".  They have their own
> needs to be met as well, unlike many older parents.  They should not be
> punished that they "cannot" meet needs in the same way other parents can...
> It's not their fault.  Yes, they did get pregnant, but no teen can begin to
> rationalize the demands that will be placed on them.  They think about
> parenting in a magical, unrealistic fashion, and no amount of criticizing or
> punishing will change that.  They need time to develop and mature, as well
> as support and education.
>
> Taking a child away from it's parents is severe.  It is not productive for
> the parent or the child unless the child/parent are in serious danger of
> harm.  From the limited information, I believe education will be the key for
> this family.  The parent who believes that spanking is an acceptable form of
> so called discipline will be exceptionally challenging to intervene with,
> however, it is possible that the parent spanks because they do not have any
> other belief or tool that is better.  Someone needs to take some
> responsibility to make a difference in this parent and child's lives.  Good
> luck to them.  There's lots of great programs to help.
>
> Susan Ludwig
> Director, High School-based Teen Parent/Child Development Program
> Degree background: Child Development and Social/Behavioral Science
>


--
Monique
Noah 6/97, ?? edd 6/18/00
[log in to unmask]

It will be gone before you know it.  The fingerprints on the wall appear
higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear.
Dorothy Evslin

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