Susan Burger wrote about what some LCs have experienced: "While we all love to help mothers and help them feel good about what we do, we also have to realize that there is a fine line between that and becoming, to use a very overused term, "enablers" of behaviors that are not as healthy. And often the "enabler" can become the object of hostility when the person on their own finally realizes that their behavior is not healthy or we finally realize we have reached the point where we cannot enable the behavior anymore and we finally do confront the situation. In situations where there is a real solid high risk, I think we sometimes do need to be prepared to take the heat." Susan, whenever that happens to me, I wonder what I did to make the person resent my help. One mom, in particular, comes to mind and I did not find out until I helped her with the next baby why she was so upset (with the first baby and the second). When she explained, I felt relieved; however, I had blamed myself for over two years (the time between the two births). In actuality, she resented that she needed help; she was upset that she could not do something "as simple as breastfeeding" on her own. She thought: What is wrong with me that I can't take care of my baby without help from a healthcare professional? Another mom was referred to me by a local ILCA affiliate. She had been helped by other IBCLCs; however, no one else had told her the whole truth about what newborns normally need. She was overwhelmed and upset that the two-week old required frequent feedings, even during the night. The mom wanted the baby to sleep through the night or let someone else take care of the baby; so she started having the dad give bottles (of ABM) during the night. The affiliate received a letter of complaints from the mom; some of my colleagues on the board of the affiliate chastised me for making her feel bad. That hurt! It was disconcerting to have some of my colleagues blame me without even hearing my side of the story. We need to be kind to our colleagues and afford them as much consideration as we give the moms; however, we also need to explain to the mom what the basic needs of the baby are. It is our responsibility. Thank you, Susan, for writing about an important issue. Warm regards, Lee Galasso, MS, LLLL, IBCLC, RLC Westchester County in NYS, USA "Children Are Born with the Need to Breastfeed" *********************************************** Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] COMMANDS: 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome