Hi Susan, Try to remember that her disrespectful attitude is about HER and her unresolved feelings about not being able to breastfeed although she wanted to. I totally know how you must be feeling -- attacked and pissed off -- but try to imagine the pain this woman must still be experiencing over her bad breastfeeding experience that caused her to act so rudely. Unfortunately, we always have to expect that some women are going to feel/act this way, but we have it in our power to try to help women realize that they are feeling angry, sad, and failed by the health care system, not guilty. This can allow them to open their minds to the idea that breastfeeding is still good to promote and LCs are gentle, respectful people. After hearing your message, she is probably feeling defensive and even more sure that breastfeeding advocates are nuts. We LCs can refuse to be baited, and instead address these feelings by reflective listening: Woman: You're not one of those breastfeeding Nazi's, are you? LC: It sounds like you had a terrible experience with a breastfeeding advocate! Woman: Yes! I was in terrible pain, and every one kept telling me just to not give up. Then they made me feel guilty when I did. LC: You felt guilty for stopping, even when it was such a bad experience for you? Woman: Well, I just wanted to do what was best for my baby. LC: You know, my work is all about helping mothers breastfeed without pain. It sounds like no one helped you figure out what was causing the pain. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, just like someone who is unable to exercise because of pain should feel guilty about that. Woman: I guess you're right...but people tried to help me...I just got so tired and frustrated by all the different advice. And anyway, the new formulas with DHA are almost as good as breastmilk. My daughter's healthier than a lot of breastfed babies I know. LC: That's great. Part of what I want to do in my talk is educate people about the benefits of breastfeeding. It would certainly never be my intention to cause people to feel guilty, although I am sensitive to the fact that hearing about the benefits of breastfeeding might be painful for mothers who were not able to breastfeed due to inadequate help or for other reasons. I try to help mothers understand that it is not a failure on their part -- that they tried their absolute best and are still wonderful mothers -- and it's ok to grieve for the loss of the breastfeeding relationship and the human milk for the baby. Woman: Wow, I wish I had had someone like you helping me when I was having problems! You're hired! What kind of fee would you like? ;-) Lynnette Hafken, MA, LLLL, IBCLC (wannabe communication skills instructor) *********************************************** To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest) To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet All commands go to [log in to unmask] The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html