I make it a point to not force much eye contact on babies and small children
who don't know me.  Intrusive eye contact is felt as aggressive in animals,
and in my experience makes babies anxious.  I basically ignore babies and
small children and engage myself in safe, small activities, speak in a quiet
voice, and let them get used to me before I get too close.  I never swoop
down upon them, touch them uninvited, or force interaction.  Dr. Herbert
Ratner used to say the the baby or small child who would go willingly or
quickly to a stranger was socially retarded -- meaning that this isn't
particularly safe behavior and shouldn't really be encouraged.  While some
extremely out-going children don't seem to mind the instant intimacy this
society believes children should confer, most children are cautious and need
"warm up activities" that give them a chance to orient to the surroundings
and to explore whether its safe before being forced into any relationship
with strangers.

With their own parents, I recall the effect Ross Campbell's book, How to
Really Love Your Child, had on me.  Its premise was that children responded
to things like touch, eye contact, focused attention, and opportunities to
share in the real work of the family.  Any activity that includes these
elements is bound to improve the attachment between parent and child.

Barbara Wilson-Clay, BS, IBCLC
Austin Lactation Associates
LactNews Press
www.lactnews.com
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