How many babies, by 10 months old (equal to the
duration of a  pregnancy, BTW) are NOT eating three squares a day and
nursing
5-6 times around that?????


Well, I've had at least two at my house who at 10 months were eating only
token amounts of solid foods and still nursing an uncountable number of
times each day (and night).

I've seen that couples meetings are often very helpful to fathers who feel
left out and neglected. I think most fathers imagine that all the other
couples are having sex three times a day while serving gourmet dinners in
spotless homes. When they get together with other fathers, and hear the
truth, you often see them becoming more accepting. It doesn't seem so
"personal" if other couples are having the same experience.

I also talk to fathers the same way I do to mothers about meeting everyone's
needs. Here is what babies need, here is what you need - how can we meet
everyone's needs? There is always a way - it shouldn't be one person's needs
being met at the expense of another's. Often with some brainstorming and
creativity, we can come up with some great solutions.

But in my experience, marriages where the father is so competitive with the
baby don't tend to last. Even if the mother weans the baby and starts
concentrating on her husband, she often feels resentful, and the father
finds new things to be unhappy about. These men often are determined to be
the centre of attention, and if it isn't breastfeeding, it's the amount of
time she takes to get the child to bed, or the time she spends helping at
the child's school, etc. (I know this is a big generalization, but I've seen
it happen over and over.) Complaints about breastfeeding are often just the
beginning.

Teresa Pitman
Guelph, Ontario

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