Here is what I wrote back to Grace regarding divorce, joint custody and extended nursing. 

I believe that I wrote about this issue to lactnet at an earlier date.  
I wrote that I am presently researching family interaction in breastfeeding families.
Very briefly:   
When making judgements about children, it is important to bare in mind some very basic developmental principles.   Developmental tasks are accomplished when children show signs of readiness for the internalization of the particular task. Child initiated cues should be used as the guide for scaffolding growth. For example, optimally one helps an infant sit only when the child show cues for readiness for sitting. Similarly, one does not wean a child from diapers prior to observing signs of readiness for toilet training. It is important to remember that development occurs as a process and does not happen overnight.

A lack of respect for developmental readiness impedes healthy emotional growth. This is especially true for children in compromised emotional states such as those suffering the ill effects of parental divorce.  

Breastfeeding is an important developmental activity that commences at birth and optimally, is retained throughout the first few years of life. Hence, it is developmentally appropriate for a three year old child to nurse. On the other hand, it is not developmentally appropriate to force a child to forgo an activity such as nursing, prior to signs of readiness. 

The developmental activity of nursing is contingent on and contributes to an ongoing and unique relationship with the nursing mother.  Naturally, the characteristics of the maternal child relationship are different from the paternal child relationship. It is important to remember that children's focus of interest as well as the parental role change as children evolve.  Children who need to be with the nursing parent more than that non nursing parent at age three or four might exhibit different patterns at a later age. 

At the age of three the nursing relationship has deep inner emotional meaning for a child. In most cases it represents security and a sense of well being. Taking this relationship away from a child, especially a child in the case of divorce, is highly inappropriate. Optimally,the court and especially the parents, will make decisions for children that match children's evolving developmental needs and not parental agendas.


Keren Epstein-Gilboa MEd BScN RN FACCE LCCE IBCLC
PhD (Candidate, Human Development and Family Relations) 
individual and family psychotherapist
researcher, family issues, birth, breastfeeding 

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