----- Original Message -----
From: "Fleur Bickford" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:49 PM
Subject: Re: [LACTNET] depressed mothers
**Hi Fleur,
**Your story about how you didn't get anything done, was very easy to
recognize! Oh, those first months with a first child... I often felt
exhausted! My husband would come home, pleased to see us again, and would
ask: "How was your day? "What did you do?" Well, I would often feel like
answering: "Nothing, I did nothing all day..." and feel so miserable,
because like you, I had thought of all sorts of things I would allegedly be
able to do. I got better, with more kids being added to the household... ;-)
I make a point of talking about this with the pregnant mothers that I see.
Society places so little value on the act of mothering, that it can be very
hard for mothers to see that they are doing a very important (and very
demanding!) job while nursing their child(ren).
**Indeed! Yesterday, it happened again. A mom said: "After X was born, I
stopped working" and then I always add, with a smile in my voice: "You
probably mean you quit your paid job...?" They are always kind of relieved
to see their life change being put this way. I often discuss it with a mom
in a little more detail after that first remark. For me, it is also an
aspect of empowerment, because when a woman says she stopped working, it
sounds as if she stopped being active, being productive, being 'useful' for
society. She didn't. She took on a different job, a very important one, that
is paid for when you do it for someone else's kids, but not for your own.
:o)
Warmly,
Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands
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