Sorry, Sharon, I remain unconvinced.  Regardless of what other
feelings are called, *true* guilt can only come from *not* doing
something you know to be best or *by doing* something you know to be
wrong.  It's called having a concience.  I too have suffered the loss
of a child and no I do not feel guilty.  I feel sad.  I cannot feel
guilty because I can accept no *blame* for what happened.  Parents as
you describe who have suffered a loss are mistaking their profound
feelings of loss and sadness and calling it guilt perhaps for lack of
a better term.  I encourage everyone, if you encounter parents in this
situation, to help them to find appropriate, gentle terms for their
feelings.

So forgive me if i sound smug.  I firmly believe that I cannot *make*
some one feel guilty.  Guilt is completely self-imposed.  I recently
conducted a staff inservice on precisely this topic.  It seems that
"not making mom feel guilty" is still a very pervasive concern among
some health care providers, especially if they did not breastfeed,
were unsucessful, or did not promote breastfeeding in the past.
Again, their current feelings of "guilt" are mis-named.  Unless they
had a true understanding of the importance of breastfeeding and all
the information and support they needed to be successful, they should
not feel guilty.  Angry?  Perhaps.  But guilty?  Never.

Theresa Chmiel, CLC, ICCE
Senior Health Educator
WIC Breastfeeding Specialist
Pensacola, FL  USA