Hi all,
Right now, 12 years later, I can still feel the strength of my anger -
make that outrage - when I (pregnant with my first)  read my first book
which outlined the hazards of formula.  My HCP had asked 'Are you
breastfeeding or bottlefeeding?"  and wrote the answer in my chart, and
that was the only time the word was even mentioned in my prenatal care.
I just kept thinking, what if I hadn't had the luck of having three older
sisters who had all nursed?  I might have had my baby and chosen
formula-feeding without having a clue about the risks.  I was vaguely
aware that 'Breast is Best' but it hadn't seemed like a big deal.  As I
educated myself on the subject, I was appalled at what I could only call
the lousy health care that didn't even broach this topic.
    Over the years, I've come to understand that we all work with the
knowledge we have, learning from the example of those around us.  I try
not to feel disrespect toward those who are not vicious but rather,
unenlightened.  When I see an ABM-feeding mother I no longer think
'what's wrong with her?'  I know too well how our society and our health
care system causes many women, despite often HEROIC efforts on their
part, to end up failing at breastfeeding.  I try to remember that the HCP
giving bad advice is (usually) doing the best they can with the training
they've been given.
    Nonetheless, 12 years later the idea that we don't want to make women
feel guilty still drives me right up the wall.  With the birth of each of
my 3 children, my mother and I had the same conversation - what went
wrong with her breastfeeding efforts.  My mother had 4 unmedicated
hospital births in the 1950's, (quite an accomplishment at that time).
She had a strong desire to breastfeed and yet, thanks to the hospital
interventions, the disinfectant they gave her to use on her nipples
before each feeding, and the insistence on a 4-hour feeding schedule, she
lasted perhaps 2 weeks.  If you want to see guilt (I would maybe even
call it grief) even after 50 years, just talk to my mother.
   At the risk of sounding harsh, I can only say to anyone speaking with
pregnant women as an 'expert' of any kind:  please, please, please don't
condescend to decide for a woman how much of the truth she can handle -
that's just treating her like a child and, in my opinion, scarily close
to the old societal attitudes (and, 150 years ago, the laws) that treated
women as something less than fully adult, responsible human beings.  Just
give her the facts in as balanced a way as possible.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest -
Marcia McCoy

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