Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC wrote:
> Hmm, maybe dealing with one pain sets us up to be able to deal with 
> another. My dentist didn't use novocaine when I was growing up, and my 
> broken leg was set without any kind of pain relief at all. Perhaps 
> that's why it wasn't such a stretch for me to have unmedicated labors? 
> Not that I'm a martyr, I take pain relief when I really need it, but 
> do tend to just try to soldier on or use natural methods instead if at 
> all possible (a few minutes relaxing in a dark room for a headache, a 
> warm or cold compress for joint pain, etc).
>
> To bring this back to breastfeeding, some moms seem to have a lot of 
> resilience, and can work through obstacles, others quit for the bf 
> equivalent of a hangnail (a broken bit of nail at the nail fold). I 
> wonder how much of this is due to experience in overcoming small 
> obstacles in life, vs. a long history of learned helplessness? 
> De-tachment parenting (leaving baby to cry) fosters learned 
> helplessness. Early unrelieved pain seems to program the brain for 
> more stress reactions around pain. It's obviously a complex equation, 
> but I wonder if we can use this as a springboard to thinking about 
> what sorts of interactions empower moms and improve their resilience 
> in the face of bf challenges, as we encourage them to attachment 
> parent their kids so they in turn will be more resilient.
>
> For me personally, breastfeeding itself turned out to be incredibly 
> empowering, and literally changed the course of my life.

This is about breastfeeding - bear with me.  (Edit: no it, really is - I 
know it's long, but everything leads to a point...) (Further edit - oh 
dear, did you know posts can be too long?  This is in two parts...)

Couple of points to ponder on this...

Whilst I can accept that bad pain experiences (where you are a victim to 
the pain as you have no resilience in dealing with it mentally) make you 
more susceptible to pain, the opposite is also true.  Having extreme 
pain experiences can cause you to become good at blocking pain (in self 
defence).  This is one area we know a lot about in this household, as my 
husband has been in unremitting, toe curling pain for nearly 20 years, 
and we've had a lot of input, good, bad and atrocious, from Pain Clinics 
etc.

In my husband's case, he can cope with heightened levels of pain (from 
very bad days, from having had to do long car trips etc) as long as 
something unexpected doesn't come along and ''blow' his mindset.  
Something like a stubbed toe, or a weight dropped on a foot or finger, 
without warning, can blow his defences utterly and every pain he's 
holding at bay, will come crashing in.  In extreme cases, it can take 3 
to 4 days to return the pain barriers to where they were.  (Before you 
all rush to email, yes he is on pain medication, no it has never been 
fully effective, yes we have done the absolute maximum that can be 
achieved by drugs, complementary therapies and every conceivable 
approach has been taken, sometimes at huge expense).  Interestingly, the 
climb back into "keeping myself sane" level of denial, has to be done in 
conjunction with the pain meds - it really is a dance between mind and 
body.  So experiencing a lot of pain can make you _more_ effective at 
dealing with it, even if it's overwhelming 'victim' pain.  (This is 
different from Cathy's point that copable pain you grow up and expand 
into, can make you tolerate pain better.)

The other point, is that it assumes that all pain levels are equal: this 
isn't so.  Whilst the pain research done on levels, and copability of 
pain, do suggest that the same cause of pain has the same level of pain 
in the subject, and therefore their different reports of how bad it is 
has to do with attitude and experience... those are control condition 
tests - everybody is equal to start with.  But in real life, we come 
with physical histories as well as emotional ones.  If I've injured my 
back previously, and you jolt me hard, it will probably hurt me more 
than it hurts someone who hasn't had a previous injury.  (Why that is, 
is a *huge* discussion, and there is still no real evidence on all the 
various theories that satisfy me.)  So no one can say "I coped with 
labour pain without meds as I have a higher tolerance to pain than you 
do." (This has been said to me!) as you don't know how much your labour 
hurt, versus mine.  Mine was in a different body, never mind a different 
mind!

This isn't to deny that culture and attitude haven't a huge effect on 
many people - it clearly has.  If you are told you can't do something 
enough times, you usually can't.  And our culture needs a vast 
turnaround on birthing on that.  Agreed absolutely.

However - the same applies at the other end.  Culture and attitude can 
only do so much.  I deal often with informed, assertive and well read 
mothers who went into labour absolutely sure they would not take pain 
medication, and who end up doing so.  And they feel a failure for doing 
so.  And it gives them real problems.  And it puts them in a position 
where they feel judged by others.  They weren't good enough, they didn't 
manage it, they were weak for 'giving in'.  They apologise in their 
birth stories for the moment when they 'caved', desperately holding out 
for some compassion from the other mothers around them: they don't 
always get it.

And that's atrocious.

I also know of mothers who are quite 'weak' - who swore blind they were 
going to have an epidural the second the contractions started, and who 
were terrified of birth and birthing and who... delivered without any 
problem, with no pain meds.  In fact, the mother I'm thinking most of 
here, had huge problems post birth, as she'd built herself up to deal 
with this awesome, damaging and agonising labour of at least 24 hours, 
and when it didn't happen, and she delivered with no pain relief at all 
in under 3 hours, she couldn't cope. 2 years later, she's still not 
coping, as she's not a good 'coper', which is why she was so sure it was 
going to be a terrible experience in the first place.  Her low 
self-esteem meant she knew she wasn't good enough and she'd buckle and 
cry and scream and feel trapped by her pain.  Except she didn't.

So.... the range of what pain is, and how it affects us, and how much we 
are actually feeling, is huge.  And this is then complicated by the 
different types of pain we are feeling.  Some pains are "That hurts." 
pains.  They are quite easy to ignore and build resilience too.  "They 
don't come with a sense of damage - it can be a sense of growth, the 
aches and knocks of using a body to its limit."   Other pains are 
"Something is very very very wrong and it needs fixed now." pains.  They 
bring with it, a desperation a need to respond and protect the body and 
stop the hurt as the body is being attacked.  They contain an 
imperative: stop what you are doing or damage will occur.

I believe some women get this pain in labour - for whatever reason.  I 
know I did.  I'm actually quite good at pain, or I used to be prior to 
my labour.  Given how resistant some lactation professionals are to the 
level of pain mothers are experiencing, I feel it may be useful to 
explain that out in more detail, distressing as it is.  In my life, I 
have been beaten, battered, suffocated unconscious, raped in differing 
fashions, and whipped until I bled.  Repeatedly.  Over long periods of 
time.  I have been cut by knives to the point of requiring stitches and 
have been burnt by cigarettes.  None of this was consensual, I assure 
you, and I had no pain relief for any of it, apart from the stitches 
going in.  I also had my hand covered by genuinely boiling oil, but that 
was an accident.  I also, incidentally, have had an ear wick inserted to 
a totally closed ear without the benefit of anti-inflammatories as I was 
8 months pregnant at the time.  I also didn't have pain relief, 
actually, as the morphine injection was given in the wrong site.

Nothing came close to what happened to my body in birthing.  I went in 
pretty sure it was going to be fine, for I knew I could cope with, and 
recover from, immense pain.  I had a space in my head I could go to, to 
distance myself from what was happening.  It was what I did when the ear 
wick was pushed through, and I actually told people I'd have no problem 
with the birth, as having endured that, nothing could top it.  I thought 
I'd just pop in and revisit that peaceful space if it got too bad - 
after all I was 42, first birth, morbidly obese and already crippled 
with pain by SPD - it may hurt a lot.  There were huge reasons for not 
undergoing an epidural, not least of all was my position as sole carer 
for my husband and there being no other support at all for us - I could 
not afford a spinal injury from bad aftercare just as I could not afford 
a caesarian: no one was going to be taking care of this baby but me.  
The hospital had been kind enough to order from another unit, an 
electric 'superbed' that would carry my weight and move me around as 
required should I end in in surgery (as everyone predicted I would.)  
I'd been on oral pethidine for the last week until the induction for 
pre-eclampsia, and on IV pethidine whilst in the hospital.

**Post snipped to allows posting - continues in a moment...**

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