This is a subject that my co-leader in St. Louis and I tried to address at
every series of meetings (La Leche League).  Ours was a "fathers welcome
group" (rather than a couples group, in which you assume everyone brings a
father).  If a dad wanted to come and see what it's all about, he could
come, we found dads came for one or two meetings - then stayed home to care
for the older kids, or watch football or whatever....

We found that it was not addressed enough in the literature and Dads DID
feel the need to verbalize their concerns and moms DID  have questions, but
were afraid to ask - but they did once we broached the subject.

We spoke about being "touched out", about how to give ourselves little
breaks during the day.  
        -  taking a walk with the kids EVERY DAY, no matter what the
weather -  which is my only way of staying sane during those intense
baby-years
        - taking a bath with or without the baby
        - dancing - the three of you!
        - going out for LUNCH rather than evening meals when kids are less
unhappy - taking the nursling and getting a sitter for the others, or, if
the nursling was pretty regular about naps (one of mine was - he slept 2
hours every afternoon), hiring a sitter for this time, which was often
cheaper and less difficult for the sitter.
        -  I mentioned the fact that I NEVER wanted sex at bedtime, but
after a few hours sleep, Dad was happy to be awakened after a 3 am feeding
.... <smile>
        - My co-leader used to take a hotel room (they would check out all
the pools to find the best one in the area) for a night.  They would hire a
babysitter for the kids, but take the kids to the hotel with them to play
in the pool and have a good time until bedtime, then Dad would take the
non-breastfeeding ones to home to the sitter.  Mom, Dad  and baby cuddled
in the hotel, which gave them some quiet/private time until checkout the
next day!
        
As we discussed being imaginative, moms began to think of their own
solutions - and also the fact that couples DO want to spend time with each
other, but this does not have to require them to "get away" from the baby.

Jeanette Panchula, RN, IBCLC
Vacaville, CA

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