Judy, I love the reminder: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a
hard battle." - Plato
As for what you quoted from Chris: The RMH is a place where people are, by
definition, making difficult choices about treatments for a gravely ill
child, and when Fate has thrust them together in the RMH common room, It
would be great if they could all give each other some extra tolerance,
because they're all in the same boat. That's all I'm saying.
Lee speaking now: I could not help but think of trying to Wiessingerize
this. If we look at everything Chris said, which I agree is a good thing to
think about, can we substitute that all the others could have been more
understanding, sympathetic, tolerant, etc, toward the mother of the
17-month-old twin who had brain surgery? The mom was all stressed out and
just wanted to comfort her child. Did they help her or hurt her? Did they
care or want to ask about what could be worked out? No, they just disliked
what she was doing and did not allow her to continue peacefully; they
insisted that she stop. The mother was humiliated and in tears for trying
to comfort her child and meet its needs; she had to change her focus from
caring for her child to arguing with those in an authoritative position.
Yes, once again, breastfeeding advocates and breastfeeding mothers are the
ones who need to be understanding, sympathetic, tolerant, etc; but sometimes
we just get tired of always having to play that role. Did the mother of the
twins do anything that was intolerant of the others in the room? Did she
ask any of the parents to stop bottle feeding because she did not feel
comfortable seeing that method of feeding children? What if she saw
pacifiers being used to stop children from expressing themselves? Did she
ask that the practice be stopped? She would not have the right to do that!
Don't we ever have a right to expect consideration in the way we are
treated? Oh, wait a minute, yes we do. We have laws in the vast majority
of our states (in the US) just for that reason. Yes, Texas, where this took
place, has a law to protect the right to breastfeed in public. It should
have sufficed to inform the managers of RMH about the law and the managers
should have obeyed it. The law does not have a provision for those who do
not want to follow the law; that would negate the law.
I try to remember that it is the right of the CHILD to breastfeed when
needed; no matter where and no matter who is watching. I also wonder how
the breastfeeding was occurring. Most of the time it just looks as if the
child is sleeping in the mother's arms and one has to look very hard to
discern that the child is breastfeeding. Did the parent who objected "see"
anything or was it the idea that breastfeeding was occurring that bothered
him? Can you sense my frustration and that I get tired of this?
Chris, I have a lot of respect for you and your work in the lactation
community. Do you have any suggestions to help me and the other Lactnetters
who feel frustrated? I don't think we can keep turning the other cheek and
let the breastfeeding children suffer. I also don't think breastfeeding a
toddler has to be hidden. How are others ever going to accept it as normal
if they don't see it frequently? The answers to these questions are not
easy but you may have some suggestions.
Warm regards,
Lee
Lee Galasso, MS, LLLL, IBCLC, RLC
Lactation Specialist
Lactation Center of Westchester/Putnam
Westchester County in NYS, USA
914-245-2206
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Vice-President
Westchester/Putnam/Rockland (WPR) Lactation Consortium
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