I'd appreciate any words of advice/wisdom that you folks can offer on a very
sad situation. I had a graduate student who was working on his Ph.D. with
me in 1994 and 1995, while also working full-time as director of research
for a medical resident's program at a hospital in Houston. He was a very
enthusiastic supporter of breastfeeding, married, with one child, who had
been breastfed. This spring he got a job offer he couldn't refuse (making
loads more money than he ever would as a college professor) and so he
dropped out of the program. At the time his wife was pregnant with their
second child. She was a marriage and family therapist with a booming
practice, but seemed to be having a lot of problems with the pregnancy --
especially feeling overly tired. Eventually she was diagnosed with
untreatable cancer (brain, lungs, liver, bone). The baby, a little girl,
was taken by C-section quite early, and is doing fine, but the mother died
in mid-August. The father and son have temporarily gone back to his family
in New York for support, while the mother's parents are caring for the new
baby. The dad and brother will come back to Texas soon and Dad will be back
at work, and the family will be together again. My dilemma is -- what do I
say to him? I'm afraid he will feel *guilty* that his daughter is being
bottle-fed, and will be uncomfortable about talking to me. I can't even
begin to imagine what this whole thing has been like for him. He is a
*wonderful* person, and we used to joke about how he led a charmed life --
great job, great wife, great kid. I like to think I have some inkling of
what it would be like to lose my husband, as I can imagine that, and have
had occasions to worry about him and ponder what would happen if he died.
But I just really don't have a clue about this situation. The dad and I
were friends, as well as being professor/student, but I never met his wife.
Any words of wisdom out there??
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Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. email: [log in to unmask]
Anthropology Department phone: (409) 845-5256
Texas A&M University fax: (409) 845-4070
College Station, TX 77843-4352
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