I feel that the idea that talking about breastfeeding makes bottlefeeding
mothers feel guilt was born out of a natural desire to avoid anything that
makes us uncomfortable, or inadequate.  It is the same principle that makes
me avoid pregnant women.  Infertility and adoption brings with it a definite
loss, of the pregnancy, birth, the baby's early days, often at least a
partial control over feeding (having to supplement with formula when we
would rather have nothing but breastmilk pass our babies' lips) etc.. For
me, being with mothers who were pregnant or had recently given birth was
painful, and i often avoided them.  I think, with breastfeeding failure, it
is less obvious what drives the avoidance behavior and people often
misinterpret the discomfort that seeing someone else nursing a baby causes
for them.

This is especially true of my mother's generation.  I have been able to
engage my mother, and quite a few others, whose reactions to breastfeeding
was generally negative, in a conversation about this, and found that they
had made brief attempts to nurse their first babies, but had their efforts
thoroughly sabotaged. I've assured them that hospital polices delaying first
nursing, limiting nursing time, giving babies bottles of glucose water,
etc., all worked against them, and that not many women would succeed under
those circumstances.  I have explained that they were not the ones who
failed, but they WERE failed, by the doctors and nurses who should have
known something and didn't, and seen alot of women breath a sigh of relief.
My mother, for example, immediately became much more comfortable with my
nursing Thomas and, where I had been too uncomfortable to ever nurse my
first two in front of her, nursing Thomas in front of her was fine (until he
was more than a year old, but that is another story).

The idea that we should avoid educating women about breastfeeding, to avoid
making bottle feeders feel guilty serves the formula companies very well,
because it assures that there will always be lots of new moms around who
have tried and failed at breastfeeding, for lack of information and support,
and then struggle with conscious, or subconscious, feelings of inadequacy
about it.

Aloha,
Darillyn

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