Hi All,
I agree with all on the issues of using certain words for
(particularly but not exclusively LLL Leaders) which I won't list here,
but we all know them. It offends me, because it is like swearing to me -
if you can't find a more appropriate, educated word, it means you are
dealing from personal insult, emotion - or worse bigotry and/or
ignorance. In a time when being 'sensitive' to certain issues is highly
pointed out and 'we' as a society are expected to at least try to use
them, once again I have to question why anyone or group who is an
advocate for breastfeeding and breast milk can be called by offensive
names and no one calls the offender onto the carpet - so to speak. Once
again to me it shows how little breastfeeding is valued in our society.
On the issues of father's role in breastfeeding, I had the somewhat
opposite problem, as I have stated before. My first husband thought
breastfeeding was ok for a newborn but after three months I was
pressured to wean. I knew more about breastfeeding and breast milk, but
he was adament and a very controling individual who kept our home's
emotion state in turmoil. I opted out at six months to wean as a way to
apease him, but he just found other issues (potty training, etc.) to
become involved in. My feeling, from my experience, is that when there
is such a pronounced difference like this, there are other issues
involved. Parents who do not agree on major issues are having either a
serious communication problem (which you can review by their
participation in prenatal programs or the actual birth scenario) or
problems with emotional and/or physical abuse. I would see if an LC
could just take a moment with the couple to find out what would work for
them - no breastfeeding, pumping and using EBM in a bottle or cup or
working with the mom to overcome her negative feelings on breastfeeding.
Also lately I have been hearing that some women who are adverse to
breastfeeding are victims of sexual abuse, which sets them up for
marrying into an abusive situation and would present as you have
described. Sometimes, the obvious is hidden in many layers.
On wasting one's education, I experienced this (as I am sure many
others have) when my youngest went to school full time and everyone
expected me to return to school or work (I come from a family of
advanced degrees which I don't have). Well, after having been home with
my two older children through their teen years, because of having two
preschoolers, I knew just how valuable being home was. I have not only
my own childrens input, but their friends who would talk with me about
astonishing issues because there was no one at home for them to talk to.
I have discussed sex, friendships, careers, school, personal insults,
drugs, drinking, abuse and alcoholism in their homes, their hopes, fears
and dreams. It broke my heart as these 'children' (lest we forget that
is what they are), should be speaking these things to their parents. I
have raised two children, who although not perfect and even somewhat
short of what I desire they would be (don't we all wish for the straight
A, alter boy, community serving child?!?) I am extremely proud of and
they are contributing, strong members of society. So I use my time while
these younger children are in school to hone my skills, expand my
education and strengthen my weaknesses and yet still be here to soothe
the hurts, listen, guide and all the other things a mother does in
additon to the chores. Then when I launch them into the world in a few
years, I will know that the foundation I built for them is made strong
and firm and they shall weather the storms and adversities that life
will send them.
Besides, all of my older childrens' friends call me cool, and
several have called me their second mom - what a reward! If nothing I
have said, moves, you. Brenda Hunter PhD's book Home By Choice and
Isabella Fox PhD's book Being There are also great choices in addition
to Arelene Cordosso's Sequencing.
Leslie Ward
Vine Grove, KY
"See your sons and daughters; they are your future." Oneida proverb
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