[I got quite a few requests so I'm posting to the entire list. Melissa]
Melissa Kirsch told me that lactnet has had some discussion of lesbian
couples where both breastfeed their children. She thought that my
experiences might be of interest to the group, so I am sending the
following, which was written for another list, to her for submission.
Please feel free to ask me questions. My email address is
[log in to unmask]
I am a lesbian mother. My spouse, Stacy, and I have been married
since
1974. We have three children: Doran (10/25/88), Kendra (10/6/92) and
Zara (4/16/95), all of whom were conceived through alternative
insemination with unknown donors. We both breastfed all three. Doran
weaned at 26 months, Kendra at 31 months, and Zara is still nursing
frequently at 31 months.
Stacy and I took turns giving birth with me going first. We had
never heard of the idea of inducing lactation until we attended a
prenatal breastfeeding class. The LC who taught the class told us
about adoptive mothers who breastfeed and suggested (rather
tentatively, unsure how we would react) that it might be possible for
Stace to bf as well. We were very excited by the idea, and wanted to
try, and read pretty much everything we could find on the topic, as
well as consulting with the lcs. Stace quit her job shortly before
Doran was born, and our plan was for her to be a SAH mother for the
first year, at least (she's still home pretty much full time, 9 years
later). So, we hoped that she could bf during the days while I was at
work.
>
Stace was unable to induce lactation the first time around, in
spite
of pumping several times a day for months before the birth, and nursing
all day hile I was at work. She nursed Doran using a supplemental
nursing system (SNS) and hoped eventually to induce lactation. It
didn't happen. Still, she had the experience of bfing, and Doran never
had artificial formula, so it was a very worthwhile experience.
The only thing we felt we should have done differently was to start
her bfing earlier. Based on our lcs' advice, we waited a full month
to make sure that bfing was firmly established, and Doran had a hard
time adapting to nursing from Stace. We worked through the problems,
with the help of our lcs, but felt we should have started earlier and
did so with subsequent children.
>
When Stacy gave birth to Kendra, I had not nursed for close to
2 years. Still, I was able to induce lactation, and nursed
Kendra for 4 months. I never used the SNS. I nursed her every
morning before
leaving for work, every evening upon return, and if I was out
alone with her (although I also brought expressed breastmilk if I would
be gone a long time). It was a very positive experience at first.I was
never able to get enough milk, though, to satisfy her after she
hit the 3-month growth spurt, and gave up after another month. I
usually say that I nursed her for 4 months, and enjoyed it for 3. I'm
very glad I did it.
>
Kendra was still nursing, occasionally, when I gave birth to
Zara, so Stacy still had milk. We both nursed her from when she was
one
week old. Stacy did not have enough so that I could avoid pumping while
at work, and by 6 months Stace had lost her milk (Kendra weaned herself
a few weeks after Zara came home from the hospital). Zara still nurses
from Stace for comfort at times. I sometimes travel on business, and
Zara often wants to nurse from Stace when I am away.
We consider our experience to have been a positive and
successful one, but it was certainly not as successful as we had hoped.
I think we started out with unreealistic hopes and
expectations. We had hoped that Stacy would be able to induce
lactation the first time around, and that we could get to a point
where I would no longer have to pump, where each of us would have
enough milk for the times when we were nursing. I don't know of
any couple who have had that degree of success with dual
breastfeeding. I think that lesbian couples can learn from adoptive
mothers in
this regard, but I think we need to be careful not to base our>
expectations upon the successes of a few women who are able to give their
adopted children 30-50% of the milk they need in the first few months
(assuming the percentages I have read are accurate). In order to
successfully induce lactation, adoptive mothers breastfeed round
the clock. When lesbian couples share breastfeeding, the non-bio
mother generally does not get the kind of constant stimulation an
adoptive mother would. [ For example, in our case, Stacy nursed Doran
during the days, while I was at work, but not at night, and not on
weekends or vacations, because I didn't want to pump when I was not at
work.]Consequently, I believe lesbian non-bio mothers have less
success from a purely ounces-of-milk per day point of view. But
I don't think that's the best way of looking at it. We have
the opportunity to share in a wonderful and basic contact with our
children, one which nourishes, sustains, protects them from
disease, provides closeness. There's nothing like breastfeeding, and I
thoroughly recommend it.
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