I agree with Jennifer that not all moms who come to us want help. I do
believe that some come to us because then they can say "I really tried,
I even went to a lactation consultant." I also think some come to us
because their dr or midwife told them to.
I recently got feedback via one of my partners from a mom I had helped
about 1 1/2 years ago, and it was something to the effect that she
wished I hadn't wanted her to keep trying, and she didn't feel like she
could really enjoy her baby until she gave up trying to make the
breastfeeding work. I had gone on the assumption that if she called me
she must want help.
I still can't bring myself to say "It's okay to not breastfeed." But
now I can say "What is it you want from me and what are your goals with
breastfeeding? There are some mothers who will make breastfeeding work,
come hell or high water, and there are others who will quit unless all
the planets are properly aligned. Which are you?" Well, maybe I don't
say it exactly like that.
But I do feel it is important for them to be the one who makes the
choice, I am not going to initiate it. (I was the same way when I was an
L&D nurse, I would never say "Do you want something for pain.") I would
rather a mom say I made them feel like they should keep trying (maybe
even after they wanted to give up) as opposed to they wish I had given
them more support to keep with it.
I guess my point is, not everyone who comes to us really wants our help,
and with this particular mom ("considering weaning"), I've been
wondering which she is all along.
On a more positive note, I did speak to a mom last week who had been
talking and going to everyone (different dr's, a naturopath, an LC,
doula, home visitng nurses) and everyone thought she was neurotic. I
talked her OB into prescribing Diflucan and she called me a couple days
later and said she was enjoying parenthood for the first time since her
baby had been born (I think he was like 2 or 3 months old).
Andrea Tran, RN, CLE
Boulder, Colorado
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