I have been spending most of my time lurking for the past two months.
I am feeling really low. Where else can I go to whine except to my 2000 plus
friends on Lactnet. Everything that has happened to me is a freakish
nightmare without end. All of this is related to that stupid kid in 1997 who
got upset because I was touching his baby sister while I was helping mom get
her latched on. First the surgery, 2 cases of sepsis now 3 more surgeries
later and it looks like there will be more in the future. Who would have
thought there were occupational hazards to being an LC?
I got some pretty bad news at the doctor's yesterday. One of the 2 1/2 inch
screws holding my hip together fell out (yes FELL OUT) and is laying loose in
my leg just below the hip joint. When I saw the x-ray I thought it was a
cruel joke, like there was a loose screw in my pants pocket --- until I
realized I didn't have any pockets! It explains a lot about what I've been
feeling lately, kind of a grinding, like it's moving in the bone or something
and the pain isn't much better either. I can't walk without aide of a walker
or crutches and that is getting harder to do. The flaccid paralysis in my
lower leg looks like it is going to be permanent.
There is nothing that can be done right now and I wouldn't want anyone to try
surgery again any time soon.  In January, they found no healing had taken
place and my acetabular component fell apart, they put two screws through my
sciatic nerve. In February, I had to have surgery because the dumb thing
dislocated in bed in the middle of the night. The doctor told us then that he
didn't know if any of it would hold because the bone is paper thin. I don't
know if I can face yet another operation.
So, I guess what scares me the most is that if one fell out, the other three
can't be far behind.  Going back to work anytime soon looks impossible. I
have set only one goal and that is to be well enough to make it to ILCA in
July.
The kids took off for a few days. (My sister is here with me) They have been
planning this trip for months and I wouldn't let them cancel it on my
account.  It would have broken my heart--I had to MAKE them go. But I also
had to promise that I wouldn't leave my room. I figure if something is going
to happen to me it will happen no matter where they are.
I also needed the quiet time to think. The weather is perfect for it; gloomy
and rainy kind of matches my mood.
You all have really been good to me through all of this. I thought you would
like to know.
Marie Davis, RN, IBCLC

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