My daughter--who was born at home, like her older brother, also refused to nurse for comfort until she was about 6 month old. It was very distressing for me, as my son had nursed for any and ever reason and at almost 4 was tandem nursing with her. Because I had nursed him, I felt an intense sadness over the way she nursed and it was a bit of a revelation even to me--given the contrast to my son's nursing--just how much I relied on nursing to navigate my relationships with my babies. I felt lost and unable to sort her out, even though in some ways I felt even closer to her than I had him--perhaps bc I had lost the first-time mother angst that caused me to doubt the intensity of our attachment. 


What I could sort out at the time was that she found the breast stressful, not comforting. She could not manage my OAMER and my massive supply and would pull off and scream for 20 minutes before I could calm her enough to relatch. Her feedings were short and necessary. She preferred to nurse upright in a sling during the day and at night she slept across my chest for 18 months. 


This was almost 20 years ago and I was an experienced nursing mom and an LLLL but I could not find my way with her. It was exhausting and she was colicky for months. I found that latching while on the move brought happier feeds and that block feeding was a decent tool. I found that magnesium supplements calmed the OEMER almost immediately. I had 6 breast infections in 6 months (so grateful for homeopathy!!) and constant plugged ducts. But, it was really over a year before we came to love nursing together.


When she was 2 1/2, I discovered the magic of CST and the comfort it brought to her stressed little body. It was not until about 8 years ago that an ND pointed out to me how high her palate is and about 6 years ago that I realized that a posterior TT was the cause of all of our trauma and misery. 


I had a massive O/S and OAMER with all of my children. Only my daughter could not manage it, as is common with TT babies. My experience with her is one reason for my passion in normalizing structure and function in bf babies. If she had been my first baby, my entire experience of bfing my children might have been very different, perhaps even ruptured entirely before it ever really began.


I really encourage you to have someone very skilled assess the baby's oral structure. 


One last point--while my first thought is TT and an inefficient nursling can cause plugs and even mastitis, I would be very interested in the possibility of gut damage underlying that O/S as well.


Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA & France






Wise ones,
   I bring this question and its accompanying story to you for your thoughts and feelings because the mother in the story is my sister.  She has given me explicit permission to post her queries/observations because she is seeking answers, solace, and maybe even community for her situation.
     On January 23, 2012 my sister gave birth to her 4th child via planned cesarean delivery.  (Her delivery history: unmedicated vaginal birth #1, unplanned cesarean following unmedicated labor due to fetal heart decels and nuchal cord, uneventful and unmedicated VBAC for #3.)  This cesarean was thoughtfully planned following breech presentation from 26 weeks on.  An ultrasound was performed immediately before the surgery which revealed baby still breech and very low amniotic fluid.  The cesarean was gentle and peaceful according to my sister, and baby healthy.  As she was stitched up nurses (for unknown reason) tested blood sugar and said it was low.  As my sister had exclusively breastfed all 3 previous babies for, respectively, 1 year, 3 years, and 3 years (also tandem during this pregnancy), her husband politely declined to have nurses feed "just 10 ml of formula," instead opting to ask my sister's friend and doula, a nursing mother of a 4-month old, to breastfeed the baby just for a few minutes while my sister was incapacitated.  This went beautifully and within a few minutes baby was put to his mother's breast.  He fed well always right from the beginning and had far more than the 4 stools I generally see from the first 24 hours.  Nursing has been easy; managing milk supply has been an unexpected challenge for her as she has a huge supply unlike any she ever had before.  She has battled some plugged ducts all along and pumps as needed to keep it moving.
    To complete the picture, my sister is also an identical twin, and both twins are LLLL's for about 5 years.  Both are extremely knowledgeable about BF and practice attachment parenting and babywearing.  They are excellent role models to their peers and have influenced so many people in their parenting.  
    The true question lies herein: my sister asked me a few days ago what I thought about the following: 
"So have you ever heard of a baby who refuses to nurse unless he is hungry.  He does not want to comfort nurse at all because milk comes out.  He will only take a finger when he is not hungry.  And after he is done (filled up from his nursing session) he wants off and only wants to comfort suck on a finger.  I have been trying to get him off this since he was born, but I just can't seem to change his mind about boobies.  He also will not sleep for me - he will only fall asleep for the night with Daddy or Big Sister who give him a finger, not a breast!  It is so frustrating and sad to me."  
     My first response was to validate her feelings and acknowledge that she is feeling like this experience is "less" than with her other babies.  I encouraged her to step into baby's shoes and feel what he feels - he does not like to feel "forced" to eat and he wants to be in charge of his eating.I also reminded her that he was born into a large, busy, loud, and wonderfully caring family who entertainment him much of the time.  (His siblings are 8, 6, and 3 and very loving and helpful with him; they are also homeschooled and spend almost every minute of every day together.   Daddy is in the military so works long hours but is not deployed.)  I also mentioned the fact that his very first feeding was a high-flow experience (from the doula) and that her milk supply is high and sometimes her MER is really strong; I posited that he may have imprinted a stronger idea than many babies about needing to control his eating.  Finally I stressed that this type of parenting is really beneficial for Daddy (having the opportunity to soothe and to put to sleep) since he has missed some of that with other babies.  She definitely appreciated that sentiment.  
    My sister mostly wants to know if she can reasonably expect this to change or if she should even try.  Emotionally she feels she can work through her self-defined frustration and sadness; she welcomes any and all thoughts on her situation.  

Thank you kindly,
 
Christine Staricka, IBCLC, CCE






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