Patricia and all,

I thinks it's so interesting that the dad's attitude had an effect on
mom's flow. As an LLLL I don't have much contact with fathers through
phone calls or monthly meetings. I've only done one home visit and I saw
how not having spousal support can have a detrimental effect. Baby was 2
weeks old and they had two other chilren, both in diapers. One about 3
yrs. and the other about 18mos. She had very sore nipples and pain. While
I was there, dh came home, started "working" on the back of the T.V. and
then told mom to change one of the boy's dirty diapers. When dh left the
room, she broke down and cried in my arms! When he came back, she asked
him, very meekly, if he could do it, and he shot her a dirty look.

I was starting to get extremely uncomfortable as you could probably
imagine, and I can't say what I wanted to say to this man!

I could have stayed there for the whole day, but I needed to get home to
my own family, so I did what I could with her boys, and took her aside
and said, "Could you possibly go upstairs and just lay in bed with the
baby? You need to relax take care of yourself and just nurse the baby."
Obviously her husband wasn't going to take care of her. She said, "No, I
can't, I have to make dinner". I asked her if she could just put out some
fruit and cheese and crackers, or even bowls of cereal. She just looked
at me and said "No, I can't".

I saw nothing that a little rest and TLC couldn't fix, but I imagined
that wouldn't happen. I found the dad a little intimidating, but I forced
myself to tell him what his wife needs. I got the feeling that he thought
his needs were more important.

I left that day feeling so bad for that mom. I had talked with her on the
phone a few times befor I went there, but I didn't really know what was
going on until I saw it for myself.

Honestly, I'm glad that home visits are optional as an LLLL. Well, to
tell you the truth, I'd probably do the same again! I learned something
that day. The family and breastfed baby meeting is richer for my
experience. But I don't think I could survive as an LLLL if I had to do
that all the time.

Just wanted to talk about how important it is to have family support.

LLLove, Joanne Kondak, LLLL, Port Jervis, NY
Kondak@warwick,net