Wow, I love the discussion on Lactnet. You all are inspiring me in many
ways. Here's my take on it as a novice...
I agree with Gonneke's definition of guilt. People love to deny their
responsibilities and blame others for their own actions. Gonneke pointed out
that OUR part is to give them accurate information and it is their
responsibility to use that information appropriately. I agree with that too.
That being said, we need to make our message as clear as possible and not
confuse people by giving them a guilt trip. It is possible to make one feel
guilty, this happens all the time. I call it manipulation. It should be the
way Gonneke said, but often it is not. When people start being told that
their child will be stupid, insecure, and hyperallergic if they are formula
fed, then we are sending the wrong message, and they, feeling vindicated,
will soon discredit us as a bunch of nitwits when their child "turned out
ok" after all. Although that may have never been said that way, what we say
can reach that "logical" conclusion. Also, guilt as a health promotion tool
has NOT shown to be effective. It often leads to perpetuating the undesired
behavior. Some people will feel guilty no matter how we say things, but we
must remember that others may do something good with their guilt, admit they
made a wrong decision, and become some of our best advocates. We thwart that
opportunity when we *try* to make them feel guilty.
Renata, in NC
-----Original Message-----
From: gonneke van veldhuizen [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Monday, December 11, 2006 3:25 AM
Subject: Re: Dr. Neuman and guilt
Dear friends,
Yael asks us to talk about our vision upon the guilt issue in breastfeeding
promotion. I have very distictive idea's about that, which I very much like
to share with everyone willing to listen..
I do not like the idea of inducing feelings of guilt with the purpose of
changing attitudes. I do like the idea of giving plain, accurate, complete
and honest information about infant and toddler food choices and the
consequences such choices may have (as in any other health matter in any
person). If mothers consume this information and still choose the lesser
option, they may feel guilty for purposely choosing what is sub-optimal for
their child's wellbeing. Another word for this kind of guilt is conscience.
The Dutch word for conscience is ''geweten'', which carries the word
''weten'', meaning ''to know''. In this context: to know that option B is
inferior to option A and still choosing option B will trigger one's
conscience. People do not want to feel this kind of feeling and thus put
the guilt at some else, probably the person who explains why option A was
the better choice.
No one can make another person feel guilty about a choice that is
consciencely made based upon knowledge at the time of choosing (and for some
choice B may actually be the best choice, even if the chances for good
health outcomes for the child may be lowered!). One may later regret a made
choice, when information comes out that was not available at the time of the
first choosing moment, one may feel anger, dissappointment when it turns out
that the information given was inaccurate and led to making the lesser
choice. One may feel sadness, regret and worry when the choice made did not
work out (insufficiant care, information of physical insufficiancy to
lactate) and plan B had to get working (breastfeeding being plan A, AIM plan
B). Guilt only applies to choices that have been made, knowing that they
were the lesser choice. And in that case, one should feel guilty.
Warmly,
Gonneke, IBCLC, LLLL, in southern Netherlands
Met vriendelijke groet,
Gonneke van Veldhuizen, IBCLC
lactatiekundige
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forum NEDlact: http://anne.messageboard.nl/16435/
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