I tried to keep appropriate words in the subject line, but I think this
applies to anyone, regardless of what you are communicating about.
If your job involves providing advice, then do so, but only when asked for
it.  
The odds that the woman in Leslie's church was unaware that she could ask
Leslie for help, seem small.  Thus, her not asking is probably not an
oversight.  She has a reason for this.  It's her reason and no matter what
anyone else might think, it's valid, unless she has been declared
incompetent and has a guardian to make such decisions for her.  I didn't
gather that from the post.

So, I support Leslie's plan of apologizing to her.  

Offering help to someone who hasn't asked, is no different from making
negative comments about or to a woman who is breastfeeding her child in your
presence.  It's meddling in something that isn't your business, at least
until there is a worldwide law saying women must breastfeed or be subject to
prosecution.  Given that the reasons women have for not breastfeeding are
very private indeed, you can risk deeply offending the person.

What if she just doesn't feel OK telling the whole congregation that she is
living with HIV and has considered all the options and decided artificial
feeding is the way to go?  What if she doesn't have breasts except for the
implants she got in early adulthood, and doesn't feel like sharing that?
What if a lot of things - if she hasn't sought your advice, it is wise to
refrain from dispensing it.  

The person in such a situation might not even like you, for all we know.
Maybe she has lined up some breastfeeding support we don't even know about.
It's not your business until you're asked, as long as her behavior stays
within the bounds of legality.  We won't sit idle; there are enough women
who request our help to keep us all busy for life.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway
   

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