This was on Lactnet (we've been discussing length of  breastfeeding of the 
first and subsequent children; most mothers nursing  subsequent children longer 
than their first.  Carole -- did you nurse Maren  longer than Soren?
 
Anyway, this came up, and this is Diane's response, and I'm  wondering if we 
shouldn't include it somewhere in our course.  I was  thinking, Linda, of 
Reiss' mom who really only loves Riley and is having such a  hard time bonding to 
Reiss.  And of my own fear that I wouldn't love my  second child as much as my 
first -- and my fear of telling anyone -- how can you  admit such a thing???
***********************************************************
weaning the new baby  early

"I'm always surprised  at moms who=20
nurse the first for a  year and then opt to bottle feed the next  because =
they=20
don't  feel they can sit down and nurse a newborn while managing a   =
toddler...
Some of these moms aren't as overwhelmed as they are  concerned  that =
they are=20
doing the first baby an injustice by  not being able to attend to  the =
first=20
baby's every whim and  want."

I've come to see these moms in a different light.  Our births  don't =
support immediate, solid bonds with our babies.  We grow those  bonds =
over time.  Then the next "little stranger" appears.  We  have at least =
some urge to do what any sensible mammal would do: invest our  energies =
in the "keeper" - the healthy 2 or 3 year old to whom we're now  stuck =
like glue.  And if that means bottle-feeding the newcomer, so be  it. =20

The most dramatic example I've seen (and I haven't seen more than  a few =
ever) was the mom who nursed her first for 10 months and worked hard  for =
the first week or two to get her 37-or-so weeker breastfeeding.   Then =
her blooming, healthy 2 year old came home from grandma's... and she  =
dropped her breastfeeding efforts like a hot potato.  Her husband was  =
desolate, but she was unmoveable.  Had I understood at the time what  the =
likely biology was behind her feelings, I could have talked to her on  =
that level, but I didn't.  The weaning was permanent, at a couple  weeks =
of age.  From a mammalian perspective, her decision made perfect  sense.




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