Ellen stated,
"Has anyone noticed a correlation between moms who are so fastidious about
housekeeping and whether they are successful at breastfeeding? When I make
a home visit, I have often noticed the moms who give up easily have the
cleanest, most beautifully furnished houses. "

Yes, I have, and I've come to realize that the "neatnik" mom often has some
very big control issues and therefore finds breastfeeding difficult for many
reasons, one of which is not being able to measure her baby's intake.  The
other, more importantly, is the necessary relinquishing "control" to the baby,
following baby's lead.  I surmise that these moms may have deep-seated reasons for
their need to be in control of everything in their lives which might include
past emotional, physical or sexual abuse.  I don't mean to generalize that
everyone who's organized and neat has serious issues they grew up with, but some
do.  Abusive or troubled childhoods also don't always lead to neatness/control
issues but it can be one way a person can function; inner turmoil handled by
exerting outside/superfluous control.

That said, acknowledging that mothering/breastfeeding is a process of
relenquishing control and that it's hard for some moms who are so used to neat/tidy
lives sometimes helps to open the door for mom to discuss her fears of
mothering without schedules, etc.  I've found that bringing up the subject of how it's
hard to let things go and how much having a baby changes ones life, yet reaps
so many rewards enables some women to feel comfortable discussing their
concerns.  Ongoing support and discussion, referrals to support groups so these
moms can continue seeing the benefits of continued breastfeeding has led to
longer duration for some.

Depending on mom's state when I see her, I may also joke about how I can tell
when a house is so neat and clean right after baby's birth that mom is doing
too much (unless relatives or housekeepers are doing it), and go into my spiel
about mother's post partum needs of caring.  This comment often allows mom to
share her concerns. Conversely, when moms apologize for the messy state of
their house I congratulate them on not overdoing and concentrating on baby and
themselves.

Barbara Latterner, BSN, RN, IBCLC

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