<contd.>

 

The vast majority of breast-feeding moms try to be discreet in public. I 

breast-fed my first child for 15 months, and most of us moms know that 

sitting in a restaurant while nursing bare-chested for 20 minutes is bound 

to make the people at the next table uncomfortable. And it makes us pretty 

uncomfortable, too. So we do what we can to discreetly turn aside or cover 

up. But the exceptions to that rule such as the "lactivists" - who stage 

bare-chested "nurse-ins" at Starbucks just to make a point - almost seem to 

relish causing discomfort in others.

 

Bare-chested??  Hmmm.again with the shock value.  Not one of the hundreds of
breastfeeding women I have known in my life EVER took off her entire shirt
and bra and sat "Bare-chested" in public nursing her baby.  But this is
exactly the picture "bare-chested" puts into a person's mind.  In fact, at
nurse-ins NO ONE takes off their entire shirt and sits the literally
'bare-chested' nursing their baby.  

 

Lactivists are people who work to ensure that all women and babies have the
right to breastfeed in public whenever and wherever they and the baby need.
That is it.  This is a good thing.  They do not relish causing other's
discomfort - they bravely take the opportunity to educate the general public
that everyone has rights - that breastfeeding is not the sexual or dirty act
(like urinating in public) that many conservative writers make it out to be.
These women are bravely acting to protect and preserve (and sometimes gain)
the right of Your future grandchild to be breast-fed where and when s/he
needs to be and the right of your daughter/in-law to do so without feeling
uncomfortable herself, or be in fear of being asked/told to go hide in a
dirty bathroom or risk jail-time for <supposed> indecent exposure because
someone else has a sick mind and can only associate breasts with sex or acts
of defecation.  They need support - not judgment or condemnation.  

 

The fact that breast-feeding is natural and beautiful doesn't somehow 

neutralize the additional fact that people simply get embarrassed when 

private, sexual body parts are put on public display. Maxim didn't sexualize


the breast - its cave-painting predecessors make that very clear. A married 

man shouldn't have to apologize for being uncomfortable at the sight of 

another woman's naked body: Shouldn't we be appreciating that fact instead 

of calling it sick? What would be sick, frankly, is if he would choose to 

sit and stare at the natural event going on nearby.

 

Again - let's hold each individual responsible for his/her own feelings.
You are correct - a married man shouldn't have to be so surprised by a woman
breastfeeding that he stares and is uncomfortable.  However, the fact is he
isn't seeing her NAKED body - he is seeing a baby BREASTFEED.  But again,
your choice of wording adds shock value.  The fact is he is uncomfortable
with knowing the baby is suckling on the woman's breast - a breast (nipple
and areola) he CAN NOT SEE.  This is due to our society's objectification
with the breast and the fact that our society has been conditioned to see
normal feeding as bottle feeding - NOT breastfeeding.  No one should be
uncomfortable watching a baby being fed the way God intended.  And, you are
right - we should be appreciating the fact that the sight of a woman
breastfeeding is beautiful and wonderful and natural.  Our society needs to
remember - God did NOT put breasts on a woman to have the primary function
of being a sexual toy.  The breasts were put there for the PRIMARY purpose
of nurturing and nourishing the baby.  Period.  It is time that our society
grows up and accepts that - rather than having the sexual objectification
constantly thrown around as the primary function of the woman's body.
Breastfeeding should be as normal and non-surprising as someone drinking a
glass of water.  No one stares at that.

 

In the end, this controversy isn't about breast-feeding. It's about the 

Golden Rule - about treating others the way you would want to be treated. If


by some stretch of the imagination there were something that could make a 

lactivist uncomfortable, would she like it flaunted in her face? There is no


reason women can't attend to their babies' needs and be mindful of others at


the same time.

 

Ah, yes, the Golden Rule, and the shock value again of wondering how a
lactivist would feel about having something that made her uncomfortable
being FLAUNTED in her face.  Honestly, who cares?  People see and hear
things all the time that make them uncomfortable for one reason or another.
Quite simply this is not about flaunting.  This is about feeding a baby
without being harassed.  There are lots of things in our society that make
people uncomfortable.  Does this mean that we have to do what we can to make
it all go away?  Hide it?  Since when are other people responsible for MY
discomfort?  If one is uncomfortable with something - there are some simple
remedies.  Don't look - Walk the other way - stay out of the situation - or
perhaps <gasp!> Grow Up.  

 

Why should a mother feeding her baby (as God intended) be responsible for
everyone else around her?  The Golden Rule in this situation, at least as I
see it, would be better phrased like this:  If you don't want anyone staring
at you, harassing you, making rude comments to you - DON"T do that to other
people!  

 

A nursing mother (everyone in fact) has the NEED and the RIGHT to be treated
with respect and common courtesy.  If the Golden Rule applies to ALL - then
ALL should be treating everyone with respect and common courtesy.  Sadly,
our society does not know how to do that.  It is not a nursing mother's
fault that someone is uncomfortable watching her breastfeed - it is
Society's fault.  Our society portrays breasts as sexual play-things and the
(probable) fact is that most people don't grow up in a place where
breastfeeding is the norm and breasts are NOT sexualized.  My question:
Since when is it appropriate to make a nursing mother (or anyone)
responsible for something she has no control over?  

 

 

Ironically, it turns out that the Victoria's Secret shopper wasn't nursing 

in public view, but was actually trying to do what she could to be discreet,


by trying to nurse privately in the dressing room. What a good idea.

 

While I see your point, let's look at the flip side.  How sad that she could
not simply sit down and nurse her baby (as God intended) without fear of
being harassed or stared at.  I seriously doubt that anyone had an issue
with Mother Mary breastfeeding Jesus in public - it's what was done at that
time.  It was normal, and not something that everyone freaked out about - in
fact it was probably as invisible as someone drinking a mug of water or
walking down the street with a beast of burden.  The mother is feeding her
baby the only way the baby could be fed.  Had Mary turned to some other
method of feeding other than breastmilk/breastfeeding - it is likely that
Jesus would have died in infancy due to poor nutrition or to disease that
mother's milk provides and protects against.  Had THAT happened where would
we be now???  

 

If you made it this far - thank you.  Just to let you know, I am the single
mother of 3 boys - all breastfed.  I am a Lactation Consultant and very much
a liberal.  I do not believe in organized religion ( too many rules and
puritanical views that don't make sense or are simply contradictory) - I do
believe in God.  I firmly believe in holding each of us responsible for our
own behavior and our own feelings.  I believe that everyone should be
respectful of other's spiritual beliefs even if we don't agree with them.
It is not my job to judge anyone or their behavior - I may not like them or
what they do - but it is not my place to judge (not perfect at that but I
try!).  It is up to the Higher Power to take care of that.  I believe that
if we all actually accepted each other faults and all, and treated each
other with some modicum of respect and common courtesy our society would be
a much better place.  Maybe someday it will happen.Until then - we do the
best we can.

 

Blessings.

 

Warmly,

 

Jaye Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM

Sacramento, CA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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