In a message dated 5/13/01 6:34:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:


>
> I was asked off-list to clarify what I found offensive about the Fiona Giles
> article.  This is what I responded privately, and was urged to share with
> the list:
>
> Well, for one, the dismissal of my careful cross-cultural research by simply
> saying "gee, sex = wet, breast milk = wet, breasts = sex" and it's all
> wonderful and we should embrace the pornographic aspects of breasts and
> lactation.  I have long been aware of the perversion of breast
> milk/lactation by a fringe group within pornography.  I don't think it
> serves anyone's purpose to advertise about it to the general public.  I
> think it is dangerous as hell to equate the physical feelings mothers have
> for their children -- wanting to hug and kiss them, and nurse them -- with
> sex.  It isn't sex.  And if we try to "stretch and redefine" what sex is,
> well you may convince some people, but most people are just going to say "Oh
> my god, these women are having sex with their children by breastfeeding
> them, even as newborns, and that's immoral and disgusting."
>
> Kathy Dettwyler
>
>
While I agree with much of what you are saying about the dangers of
redefining what sex is and of sexualizing breastfeeding, I also thought the
article had some good points. It's difficult to see where we set the line at
though. It got me thinking more along the lines of women who say they won't
breastfeed because they want their body back, or "they belong to my husband".
Would it make a difference if women were to see lactation as sexy? Would they
feel different about it? Rather than seeing themselves as frumpy and in a
process of trying to "get their body back" they could see themselves as sexy.
I find that in the breastfeeding community, often moms to jokingly say things
like, "My husband wants be to nurse forever". Translates "this is the first
time in my life I've had large breasts". Of course, this often comes from
those who saw no other choice but to breastfeed. If women outside of that die
hard breastfeeding community began to feel that way, would numbers rise?
Along those lines...(Eeekk...My own judgemental attitude will come out now,
please forgive me). My family took me out to eat for Mother's Day today.
While taking my daughter to the restroom in the middle of eating (this is our
ritual-having a 2 year old daughter) I saw a woman from the side. Her husband
was standing beside her holding a tiny baby girl.  The woman had blonde,
teased, long hair, a sexy little dress, high heels, lots of makeup. Sorry,
but I immediately said to myself, "She's not breastfeeding". Yes, I know.
Gorgeous dressed up perfectly primped women sometimes do breastfeed. Well, I
took Abbey in for our 20 minute long bathroom visit. Came back out. Dad was
holding baby giving her a bottle.
I don't know what the answer is. Part of me thinks that people already see
breastfeeding as "sex". However, why is it that people feel that it is gross,
disgusting or child abuse to breastfeed a 3 year old, but a lactating woman
is not considered a sexy being?

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