Julie J writes:
With my afternoon client...something went terribly wrong. First 5
minutes,she refused skin to skin for her and baby because she thought this would upset
the baby. She consistently resisted everything I suggested. I mean
everything. Even down to the payment. The entire 2 hours I had a smile on my face and
was very professional trying every trick in the bag to give her what she paid
for. It makes me wonder whether I should have left significantly early on in
the consult when the first criticism started without trying further. My
question is: what is the professional standard with people like this? Leave early
and cut my losses or try to work it out despite the passive aggressive
behaviors? Seriously, I have only worked and served the most wonderful, hard
working, loving, appreciative clients in the world.
~~ Oh, Julie, been there. I wish I could say that I have only served the
most wonderful,etc...clients in the world. Many are, yes, but there have been
enough of the "difficult-to-serve" moms as well. Local LCs who live near me,
and I often need to vent about these situations in a safe, professional way.
Knowing when to move on is not easy. A few times I have even told mothers on
the phone that it did not sound like I would be what the mother needed, and
referred her to another LC I thought might be able to help her better. Some
mothers are just so exhausted and/or traumatized by their birth experience ( and
this can happen even with homebirth, rarely) that they really are not
themselves. They are in shock. With questions to see what is going on, giving good
information and letting the mother indicate what she finds feasible to try,
and everyone getting at least some sleep and food, these moms often relax and
become the person they are, quite nice, when they are not in a major
crisis/shock. Occasionally though, they remain demanding and rude, which must be how
that person really is, I guess. Sometimes I can tolerate the mother's road
blocks and what felt like rudeness better if the partner at least is listening
and trying to work together. One mother I would only go see if the doula was
there with me. We ended up working well together over a period of weeks and
breastfeeding and mothering really fell into place for this mom and baby and it
was great to be part of that. We are seeing people in such a vulnerable
state, and I agree with the poster who said that sometimes parents get
blind-sided by how hard the early days/weeks can be.
Peace,
Judy
Judy LeVan Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY, USA
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