For those of you who haven't seen this yet: a good laugh!

   LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never
   really says anything important.

   BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself
   frequently.  Gains reputation for profundity.

   WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac.  May eventually
   marry his sister.

   MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and
   volume - that he's dying.

   SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used
   all the other words in his vocabulary.  Sometimes talks backwards.
   Eventually, people stop listening to him.  Child blames them for
   their inability to understand him.

   BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time.  Eventually,
   people stop listening to him.  Child doesn't care because all
   his playmates think he's cool.

   IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry
   on several separate conversations at once.

   GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over
   and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
   and over and over and over and over again.

   STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and
   profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium
   in the preschool.

   BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long
   as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12,
   etc).  However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely
   uninspired.

   And then of course, THE CAGE EFFECT -- Child says nothing for 4
   minutes, 33 seconds.  Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.

Regards,

John Proffitt
KUHF-FM
Houston Public Radio