This is one of those truly dumb things that you cannot quite believe even
when you see it.  Even when you see it on a screen that's 80 feet by 100
feet.

Whales.

Hundreds and hundreds of whales, swimming and flying (yes), and nothing
else, but whales.

This is the "Fantasia 2000" episode for an excerpt from Respighi's "The
Pines of Rome." Nothing Uncle Walt did to music comes near to Nephew Roy's
cluelessness.  The executive producer of "Fantasia 2000" gave segment
director Hendel Butoy the green light to disregard completely the
composer's intent in one of the most "programmatic" of all program music.

Respighi named the movements specifically, everything pointing to the
landscape and places of interest 'round Rome -- such as the bright, brassy
"Villa Borghese," the slow, haunting "Catacombs," etc., but in all of the
work, there is nothing said or implied of big fish.

While listening in the past to the shameless "Pines," I have often seen de
Mille's legions marching down the Appian Way, leading some armor-plated
elephants under very large neon palm trees...  but WHALES?

With all its variety and questionable judgments, Uncle Walt's 194O
"Fantasia" had a unity of vision:  it was clear what Disney was trying
to accomplish.

But today's Disneys made a mess of the sequel, mostly by riding off in all
directions, trying too hard, disrespecting -- of all things -- the music.

Some of it works, some doesn't; some segments are "cute," others boring,
there are some striking ones.  But none of "Fantasia 2000" needs,
justifies, explains using the IMAX format -- good, bad, indifferent, it
could all very well fit into TV size and, in fact, it would work better
in a much smaller format.

The 1993 recordings (this is a project long a-borning) by James Levine and
the Chicago Symphony are mostly fine, although uniformly over-bright and
unshaded, almost undifferentiated.  It's a kind of relief to hear the only
surviving segment from the 60-year-old film, Stokowsky conducting "The
Sorcerer's Apprentice."

Perhaps the worst aspect of "F2K" is series of lame, embarrassing
"interstitials" (that's what they call 'em) -- brief, awkward bridges
between the segments, "host sequences," wherein Steve Martin would pop up
and say:  "Did you know that many of these musicians are performing for
the first time, after they took the Steve Martin instant music course." No
rim shot, but exeunt Martin.  Similar indignities befall on Bette Midler,
Levine, Itzhak Perlman (to his credit, he shows his embarrassment), James
Earl Jones, Angela Lansbury, Quincy Jones, Penn & Teller.  The quota is one
joke per, and there is little or no relevance.

"F2K" opens with part of the first movement of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony,
accompanied with geometric shapes (color cutouts), and beams of light.
Looks cheap, especially on that 80x100 giant screen.

The damn whales follow, and then possibly the best of the lot:  Gershwin's
"Rhapsody in Blue" (with Ralph Grierson, conducted by Bruce Broughton) to
Al Hirschfeld's animated cartoon story of life in the Depression, directed
by Susan and Eric Goldberg.

Yefim Bronfman is excellent as the soloist in the Allegro from
Shostakovich's Second Piano Concerto, with the so-so story illustration
of "The Steadfast Tin Soldier."

Flamingos and yo-yos are featured along the Finale to "Carnival of the
Animals," certainly in a more acceptable association than that of whales
and the roads leading to Rome.

The old Dukas segment yields to four of the Elgar "Pomp & Circumstances"
marches (Kathleen Battle is the soloist, Donald Duck is doing his best on
Noah's Ark.

An excerpt from Stravinsky's "Firebird" closes "Fantasia," a green nymph
substituting for what is presumably a tired old-world image of the
firebird.  The Brizzi brothers did come through with something handsome and
somewhat original.  They went as far as the Elk, but stopped short of
whales.

I can't figure the marketing angle for "F2K." Music lovers won't get much
out of it.  It doesn't look the right vehicle for introducing kids to music
(which Uncle Walt did do, with impact on many, including little Jimmy
Levine, according to testimony).  For possible explanation, stay tuned to
ABC stations.

Janos Gereben/SF
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