Tim Mahon ([log in to unmask]) wrote:

>From memory, this particular piece of doggerel runs:

DOGGEREL????? Step outside sir!

>"I once had a whim and I had to obey it,
>To buy a French horn in a second hand shop.
>I polished it up and I started to play it
>In spite of the neighbours who begged me to stop."

Spot on.  It's no good, I couldn't summon up all of the rest, so here,
transcribed from At the Drop of Another Hat

   To sound my horn, I had to develop my embouchure
   I found my horn, was a bit of a devil to play
   So artfully wound, to give you a sound
   A beautiful sound, so rich and round
   Oh, the hours I had to spend
   Before I mastered it in the end

   But that was yesterday and just today I looked in the usual place
   There was the case, but the horn itself was missing
   Oh, where can it have gone?
   Haven't you, hasn't anyone seen my horn?
   Oh, where can it have gone?
   What a blow, now I know,
   I'm unable to play my allegro

   Who swiped that horn?
   I bet you a quid somebody did
   Knowing I found a concerto and wanted to play it
   Afraid of my talent at playing the horn
   For early today to my utter dismay
   It had vanished away like the dew in the morn

 [Spoken]:
   Tutti

   I've lost that horn, I know I was using it yesterday
   I've lost that horn, lost that horn
   Found that horn, gorn...
   There's not much hope of getting it back
   Though I'd willingly pay a reward

   I know some hearty folks, whose party joke's
   Pretending to hunt with the Quorn
   Gone away, gone away, was it one of them took it away?

   Will you kindly return that horn
   Oh where is the devil who pinched my horn?
   I shall tell the police
   I - want - that - French - horn - back

 [Cadenza]:
   I miss its music more and more and more
   Without that horn
   I'm feeling sad and so forlorn

   I found a concerto and wanted to play it
   Displaying my talent at playing the horn
   But early today to my utter dismay
   It had vanished away like the dew in the morn

 [Coda]:
   I practised the horn and I wanted to play it
   But somebody took it away
   I practised the horn and was longing to play it
   But somebody took it away
   My neighbour's asleep in his bed
   I'll soon make him wish he was dead
   I'll take up the tuba instead!

 [After the applause Flanders says "I should warn you, he wrote two
more in E flat alone"]

Anyone who still thinks it's still doggerel should try writing their
own lyrics to an entire movement.

Deryk Barker
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