"what about our own dedication to promoting, protecting and supporting
breastfeeding?  Doesn't that too come,ultimately, from our own "mom-selves"
(love the term)???  When we dress it up as 'health advantages of
breastfeeding' and 'ultimate savings for the health
service' -- and, yes Ma'am, I've done it too and lots of times!!! -- are we
in a
way being a little bit disingenuous?"

Magda, there's so much food for thought in what you say about "our own"
motivations in this whole BF thing! I have always sworn that I was not a
"fanatic", that this was my work and not some holy "crusade". I would tell
you that I just sort of fell into lactation expertise on my way to becoming
a midwife, and I would tell you that I don't work without pay at what I do.
But of course that's disingenuous, you're right! I will admit that working
with moms and babies is my passion, but it's not just the BF part; that's
only a piece of it, a means to an end.

So what's MY holy grail in the work I do? It's the desire for women who
become mothers to make that transition in the way that works best for them,
that they are comfortable with and that lets them grow and flourish rather
than cramp up and feel that they've lost themselves. When a woman is able to
have help with that journey in a way that lets HER feel supported and
strengthened, it will shine out in her children. She can feed her kid with a
garden hose, for all I care, if that lets her & her child flourish! Yes,
yes, I know about all the "reasons" to breastfeed; I will confess that if
those aren't "reasons" that work for a particular woman, I'm absolutely just
as happy to use my skills to help her in whatever way IS meaningful to her.
One way I think of it is that I've had my babies, and raised my children and
am pleased with the way they're turning out; I don't need to exert my agenda
on others. This is NOT the same as saying "It doesn't really matter"; I know
that it does really matter, but I also know that I can't make those
decisions for children that I am not raising. So if a woman is absolutely
NOT going to breastfeed, for whatever reasons she has and after I've shared
information about it with her, I am perfectly happy to help her be the best
parent she can be, because I KNOW (and this is something I *know*, not
"think" or "believe")that her child will grow to be happier, more secure,
more able to complete its task of growing up as a person of substance and
character, if the mother has been truly supported in her task. Unequivocally
supported, not "well, you really *should* do such-and-so, but..." Just leave
out the "you should" part, and cut to the "you can...".

At WIC, I worked with lots of women who were not going to BF, no how, no
way; many of them also had what I would call pretty poor models for
parenting. If I could help that mom learn that it's a wonderful thing to
hold and talk to her baby a little more, and snuggle in her bed with it
rather than leave it in another room in its little plastic basket thingie, I
consider my work to be a success. So many women just have no real picture of
what it means to be a loving mother to a baby that my goal is to shed a
little light on that whole scene for them. And there's billions of ways to
do it - they don't have to do it my way, but they might need a little help
to find their own way.

So - "ulterior motives"? Yeah, as a HCP I can't ignore the health impact of
BFing. And in my "mom-self", I'm most comfortable with my babies near (or
usually on) me; I can't bear to have babies howling away in their little
carrying devices, when all it takes to get them perfectly happy is to hold
them. And seeing babies stuck in front of a TV absolutely gives me the
willies! Now that is likely to provoke me to a rant, far more than a mom who
tells me she "can't" or "doesn't want to" BF! What's my point? Magda, your
questions are good ones, and I think that we can only benefit from the
introspection you provoke!

Cathy Bargar, RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY