Hi all,
Thought you'd get a kick out of this one.
Aloha,
Gloria Thai LLLLeader Hawai'i
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>: This is a super piece, feel free to share it on the
>: net, but give everyone our addresses.
>:
>: >From The Compleat Mother, October 97 issue,
>: RR#3 Clifford, Ontario Canada N0G 1M0 56 pages, sample $4
>: 519-327-8785
>: email : [log in to unmask]
>:
>: The Thing
>: by Janis
>Honea
>:
>:
>: On another planet, a young man was preparing for his first sexual
>encounter. He was nervous,
>: since he had never spoken to anyone who had ever done it
successfully.
> He decided to ask
>: some of his friends about their experiences.
>: "I really wanted to!" exclaimed one, but my doctor said my penis
was
>too small."
>: "Really!" interrupted another. "My doctor said mine was too
large!"
>: "I wanted to too, but it turns out I didn't have enough to satisfy
>her." said another.
>: "I never wanted to! Its so gross! I'd feel like an animal or
>something. I know they say that
>: penis is best, but all mine were artificially aroused and they were
>happy and satisfied," said
>: the oldest in the group.
>: "Haven't you been divorced seven times?" asked the young man.
>: "Yes, but that had nothing to do with it." he said.
>: "I hear you need to toughen it up before you do it. You know,
scrub
>it with a loofah or
>: something." said one friend.
>: "And you can't let her go for any longer than a couple of
minutes
>at first, or you'll get sore."
>: "My cousin said it was incredibly painful. He penis cracked
and
>bled. He only lasted a
>: couple of days. Thank God we have alternatives today," said the
friend
>who was "too small."
>: "I have a friend who did it," said one, almost whispering. "It
>seemed like a lot of work to
>: me. Every time I talked to him it seemed like he had just finished or
>was just about to make
>: love to his wife. I told him surely she was not being satisfied or
she
>wouldn't be wanting it
>: again so soon. I told him he needed to supplement with a vibrator.
He
>wouldn't go for it."
>: "Well, I really think I want to try." said the young man.
>: "Good for you!" said his "too big" friend. "But be sure you
get
>her on a schedule or she
>: will manipulate you."
>: The young man was so confused as he left he decided to ask his
>physician about it.
>: "I understand your concern." said his doctor, placing a hand on
his
>shoulder. A lot of
>: men, especially our first timers are unable to meet their women's
needs
>with their penises.
>: Taking classes, reading books, doesn't seem to help. Despite all
their
>best efforts, many men
>: just can't. Its called insufficient penis syndrome. I know you want
to
>try, and I think that is
>: great, but let me send you home with this vibrator just in case.
Look,
>its bent, or angled to
>: insure that you do her in a semi-upright position."
>:
>: The young man gratefully took the vibrator home and thought about
>all the things he had
>: heard. When the time finally came he was determined to do it
naturally.
>:
>: He was excited and nervous. He tried to do everything right.
He
>watched the clock
>: and stopped after exactly the prescribed period of time. The event
was
>a humiliating failure.
>: His woman was frustrated and upset. He couldn't understand it. He
had
>done everything
>: he was told to do.
>:
>: His honey told him she loved him and that his touch was
sufficient,
>and together they
>: would learn to get it right, but the next time she seemed interested
he
>thought, "Just this
>: once I'll use the vibrator. I can't stand the thought of her going
>unsatisfied.
>:
>: No one had warned him of the danger of penis confusion. Soon she
>developed a preference
>: for the vibrator and rejected the penis altogether. In a way, he
>preferred it too. If he needed
>: to get away sometimes, anyone could satisfy her. And though he heard
he
>should hold her
>: every time to promote bonding, it got easier and easier to prop her in
>the corner with the
>: vibrator while he went about doing his chores.
>:
>: It was important for him to keep busy. If allowed time to feel,
he
>always felt vaguely
>: cheated and sad. Being a lover was not at all what he had hoped. He
>wanted to get away
>: from his wife. He resented her demands and felt inadequate to meet
her
>needs. The
>: closeness that he longed for never developed.
>:
>: One day he got up the courage to ask his friend for the phone
>number of the man he
>: knew who "did it." Hi," said the young man. "I got your number
from a
>friend. I would
>: like some information on lovemaking. I wasn't able to with my first
>love and if I ever have
>: another, I really want to make love to her myself."
>:
>: "How old is your relationship?" asked the man on the phone.
>: "Just a few months," said the young man sadly.
>: "Would you like to make love to your wife now? Its not too late!"
>said the man.
>: "Do you really think I could?" asked the young man. He felt
hopeful
>for the first time in
>: ages. They talked for some time and the man invited him to a La Cosa
>League meeting.
>: (La Cosa is Spanish for The Thing, and slang for penis.) La Cosa
League
>was a group
>: dedicated to providing support and information to men who wanted to
make
>love to their
>: women. He was amazed at how many men were doing it and was
>encouraged by men
>: who had overcome many obstacles to successfully satisfy their wives.
>: "What do I need to do?" the young man asked, wide-eyed and
>determined.
>: "The first thing you need to do, is get rid of the vibrator.
The
>young man did not know
>: how to respond. A rock of nerves formed in the pit of his stomach.
"I
>couldn't possibly..."
>: "Now your woman may object a bit, but persevere. She will
quickly
>become accustomed
>: to the feel of your body."
>: "What if I can't satisfy her?" the young man asked.
>: The leader assured him that even if it took a while, with
practice
>he should have no trouble.
>: "Well, how often, and for how long?"
>: "Take your cues from her," responded one of the men. "Watch your
>wife, not the clock."
>: His mind reeled as he drove home. He thought over all the things
he
>had heard. How
>: come no one had ever told him this before? It seemed so radical, but
>somehow it felt right.
>: At first his woman was not interested at all in switching. She
>protested when he offered
>: her the penis. Refused it cold. But with patience and persistence
she
>eventually accepted it.
>: He was amazed that once she took it, she did not seem to want to let
go.
> He had never been
>: so elated in his whole life. He had done it! He had made love to
his
>wife! With his own body!
>: The next time his wife requested the vibrator he gently and
>lovingly offered the penis again.
>: She fussed some but quickly accepted him. He was even more excited
than
>the first time. He
>: had worried then that it was a lucky fluke, but now he believed he
>really could do it. To his
>: delight, his wife never asked for the vibrator again.
>:
>: The transformation in his attitude toward his wife was
remarkable.
>He no longer resented
>: midnight lovemaking sessions. He felt a bond with her like he had
never
>known. He didn't
>: want other people satisfying her, and he didn't want to get away. His
>attitude about himself
>: also changed. He felt so confident and calm. He was not
inadequate,
>and he was not
>: replaceable. He hurt when he thought of all the men who didn't know
>what he knew. He felt
>: even sorrier for their women. As he watched his wife thrive on his
love
>alone his enthusiasm
>: for lovemaking grew harder and harder to contain. One day while
talking
>with his old friends
>: someone brought up the latest advancement in vibrators. They
blithely
>discussed the merits
>: of the latest tool when he excitedly blurted, "We've thrown ours
away."
>:
>: The room fell silent.
>:
>: "What?" asked the friend with the "too small" penis. "We've
thrown
>the vibrator away"
>: he said again.
>: "Well what do you use then?" asked the friend with the "too
large"
>penis.
>: "I make love to her myself," he said.
>: "Why would you want to go and do something like that?"
>: "Doesn't it hurt?"
>: "You'll be sorry."
>: "Oh No! You haven't been hanging around with those fanatics
from
>La Cosa League,
>: have you?" asked his friend who "could not."
>: "They aren't fanatics," the young man said calmly. "They gave
me a
>lot of good
>: information and I'm very happy with my decision.
>: The men burst out laughing. "Next thing you know, he is going
to
>stop shaving,"
>: joked the divorced one.
>: "Oh! Or letting her sleep in his bed." roared another.
>: "You've really done it now," said the "too small" one,
sobering
>up. "What are you going
>: to do if you have to leave her for a while? And you'd better hope she
>doesn't start biting!"
>: "Be prepared to give up your life. warned the divorced one.
>: "Your brain is going to turn to oatmeal."
>: The young man thought carefully about that and smiled to
himself.
> He didn't feel like
>: he was giving up anything, especially in the light of all he had
gained.
>: "You know," he said, "I think I like it as much as she does."
>: "Boy, You really are a radical."
>:
>: Janice Honea lives in Carson City, Nevada
>:
>
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