Barb,
You might want to pull some of my articles on this subject off the web. See
the sites listed in my signature line. "Breastfeeding and Visitation" and
"Is Breastfeeding Really a Visitation Issue" from LLLI's page, and
"Children Need a Mommy and a Daddy" from Parentsplace. The newest issue of
Mothering has another article by me on visitation with the breastfed child.
Also, you may want to refer to Hodges book "Interventions of Children of
Divorce"; Diane Skafte "Child Custody Evaluations" and Baris and Garrity
"Children of Divorce, a Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation".
In answering your questions:
>I have a mom who has exclusively BF for 5 mos. Ex-dad has been granted 3
>hours/wk with the boy by the family court and the lawyer wants that up to 48
>hours/week by age 6 mos..
The mom needs a visitation plan that works up to the requested visitation -
but in an appropriate way, and at an appropriate time. (i.e. overnights at
age two, maybe, and weekends at age three - the best one can expect to do
in court). I often help mothers with this task, and sometimes make
recommendations for visitation that can be used by experts, courts, or
evaluators. Look at my articles for pointers on how to do this.
By the way, 3 hours a week is way to little. How far apart do they live?
Can't she give him contact every day? More than one visit per day? What
separations has the mother had from the baby herself? Is she planning on
going back to work, if so, when? Where does the baby sleep at night? Get
any bottles? Pacificer?
>Jeffrey (the baby) doesn't know this stranger from
>Adam and spent his first three hour visit wailing.
Would be much better if Mom can be present, and if the baby sees him every
day for an hour or two rather than just three a week.
>Mom's ped suggests joint
>visits for awhile (which is also what I suggested ...
That would be fine unless they can't get along, or if they have restraining
orders, or if he objects....
>...with some expressed BM to
>be sent along when he does go to ex-dad's place and maybe a familiar smelling
>shirt of mom's) so dad wouldn't seem so strange. Mom thinks dad is not
>likely to try all this.
She knows him better than anyone - what can she do to help the baby cope?
>She has asked to use me and the ped. as references
>in court.
That is fine - she will need expert witnesses to help her - it is really
easy to testify - takes me only one-half of an hour to prepare an expert on
the phone...
>1. What would any of you suggest to ease this new relationship for the
>baby?
-Offering many one or two hour visits.
-Trying to settle the case. What state is this in? Have they been to
mediation? Can she go to mediation? What efforts are the lawyers making to
settle this? What efforts has the mother made to settle it? What does she
really want, anyway? Is her anger in the way?
> Mom is willing to try anything to make this whole unpleasant mess less
>traumatic
> for her son.
Help her explore settlement - remember that most mothers tell me they could
never settle - yet most can with some help. Out of the 60 mothers who call
me each month, most are this type of case, and most of them do settle.
>2. What is my legal liability in this case if any? I've only seen this mom
>once since
> she has had no problems with BF...until now.
None that I can think of - your job if you testify is to educate the court
about the benefits of breastfeeding, the current recommendations about
breastfeeding, what the lactation literature says about bonding and
attachment with breastfed babies, and some info on how the father's bond
can be promoted while the breastfeeding relationship continues.
Not so hard, Huh? I'd be more than happy to talk to anyone about this case
- you, her, the lawyer...
Liz Baldwin
_______________________
Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. Baldwin & Friedman, P.A.
2020 N.E. 163rd St. # 300 N. Miami Beach, Fla. 33162-4970
Phone: 305-944-9100 Home office: 954-929-9090
Fax: 305-949-9029 [log in to unmask]
http://www.parentsplace.com/shopping/esq/index.html
Breastfeeding and the Law: http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
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