At 08:00 AM 9/19/97 -0400, you wrote:

>From:    Fiona Coombes <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: Book - The Mask of Motherhood (long)
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>I have not read this book, but saw the draft, and wasn't too keen on
>what I saw then.
>Susan breastfed her children, with the help of an NMAA Counsellor!
>
>Maybe she is being 'fashionable' , maybe expressing the
>disappointments in her own life. It seems (IMHO) that many
>'professional' women are very shocked by the changes to their lives
>that occur after having  children.  After years of having a very
>organised and successful business life, they are faced with the
>realities of motherhood. This 'loss of control' is the thing that
>many women seem to find the hardest to cope with, and it is often
>something that women mention to me when they see me for parenting or
>breastfeeding problems.
>I suppose a lot of the negativity women feel when they become parents
>stems from the changes in levels of independence, and maybe having
>their expectations of parenthood shattered by reality. The
>sterotypical vision of motherhood (barefoot and pregnant in the
>kitchen), which many of these women may have spurned for much of
>their lives, may mean that adjusting to a parental role is hard for
>them. Maybe they fear that they will become 'just housewives' like
>the women that they have avoided becoming in their professional
>lives. Joining groups such as LLL or NMAA may seem to them as
>'accepting the role of the mother' which they have been
>avoiding for all this time. Trying to create a new niche for
>themselves in society, especially one which doesn't value child
>rearing or parental roles, is a hard thing to do. If things go wrong
>in our lives, or our expectations are not met, it is often easier to
>'blame the messenger' or strike back at society, rather than
>examining our own situation and problem solving.
>It is always sad when personal disappointment or disillusionment is
>reflected upon the whole of society, and when others are blamed for
>the losses that individuals experience. We all have a way of 'crying
>for help', unfortunately, a book is a very public way of doing it.
>

Really interesting comments, Fiona. In my own experience, I was a person who
was over-qualified for my job, and acting in a fairly bizarre way before I
burst into tears one day and admitted to my husband that I wanted a baby.
Would my experience have been different if I had felt really fulfilled in my
job? Of course, I feel sure.
high-pwered careers fall hardest, because a baby does not fit the carefully
planned future that the mother envisages.  This is why so many go back to
work so much later after the SECOND baby.

Lesley McBurney
Brisbane, Australia
NMAA Breastfeeding Counsellor (Clayfield/Wilston Group, Qld)
Publications Revision & New Publications Working Groups
Admin Assistant, NMAA Qld Branch office
International Conference Registrations Committee
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