Nancy asked for ideas on how grandparents can support breastfeeding families--
I hope Linda Smith and other grandmothers on Lactnet will chime in because I
want to hear what they have to say. As someone who might be a mother-in-law
someday, I keep taking lessons from the women I work with. One of the things
I know I'll struggle the most with is keeping my mouth shut when my
information or advice isn't asked for.

The grandmothers who seem to make it the easiest for the new mums are the
ones who get right into things by doing dishes, making meals, walking a
fussy baby, but overall letting the new mum and dad do most of the baby
care. They also use "watchful waiting" and don't rush in to fix things that
the new mum is doing "wrong." That said, however, it's very helpful when
grandmothers encourage the mother to call someone when things don't seem to
be going well, rather than suggesting the baby needs a bottle.

 I really admire the grandparents who are interested in new information and
are willing to entertain some ideas that are different from the ones that
they used. And if they don't necessarily agree, they're willing to let the
new parents work their way through things. Advice or suggestions are offered
if asked for. Role modelling is often evident (for example, new parents will
often learn the baby dance from watching someone do it). I think it's a bit
like being a good midwife: you let the process happen, offering some
information when appropriate or requested, but then sitting back and letting
nature take its course. You're there if things get rough but you're not
there to make it all better and easy (easier, maybe, but not easy). There's
work involved in becoming a parent and a supportive grandparent can be
marvellous in helping parents assume their new role.

I think new parents' role acquisition is stunted by grandparents who swoop
in and take over baby care and do it all so competently. (This often happens
in hospital, too, when new parents feel totally inadequate next to the
experienced nurses who are whipping their babies around, changing diapers,
bathing, swaddling; this is why I practice fairly hands off lactation
consulting---mum needs to learn how to hold her own breast and baby.)
Leslie Ayre-Jaschke, BEd, IBCLC
Peace River, Alberta, Canada