In a message dated 96-08-24 09:27:04 EDT, you write:
> As one mother told me "on one
>side I have God....on the other, you" I was not shocked to find out whose
>opinion rated!
Dear Stephanie,
Try saying to the woman, "maybe we are on the same side." or "Maybe God sent
me to you. He works in many ways you know."
I run into this situation frequently where I live. Several local churches
are teaching classes beginning with childbirth using the "E___'s" books.
There are a few things that I find help. FIRST, these mothers are very
skeptical about anything I say as it is told to them in the books to beware
of other peoples ideas. When I become aware of a strict feeding schedule and
problem I usually say : "Oh are you following the _____ book?" If they say
yes I can point out that it does say on page ___ that babies need to be
nursed as often as every 2 1/2 hours for growth spurts. I keep the book in
my office, get it out and show them, and find they relax visibly if they know
I am aware of it and am willing to help them follow the book. If they were
nursing every 4 hours, nursing every 2 1/2 is a big imporvement right there.
Then I reassure them that I am not trying to lead them astray. In my
situation I divulge a bit about myself and say " I am a Christian too."
Again this usually results in a big 'sigh' of relief from the mom. Some are
so afraid of the devil in sheeps clothing. I always have and always will
keep politics and religion out of my practice except in this situation.
Next, I tell them that we, me and my staff, do believe that babies and
children need "routine"but that is different from a ridgid schedule in the
beginning weeks. Also that it may take more time and patience to achieve a
routine than the parents had originally planned. Their baby is still very
young. I don't go into what I mean by routine (as I am a terrible example
personally, never eat, sleep or do much of anything on any schedule), but at
a later date we work on"the beginnings of routine"--more daytime feeds,
longer sleeps at night, etc. "Sometimes the Lord has to teach US, the
grownups, a little patience and understanding of this tiny little "gift" that
we have been given." Then I talk a few facts about mother's milk being
digested in 90 minutes, and the baby's stomach only being the size of a
walnut, and the hormones that make both mama and babe sleepy. "And who do
you think made all these things this way?" Just talking about the miracle of
life and the way babies are made often opens up their minds. But we won't get
this far in the conversation if they think I am leading them astray. If they
are open to reading Dr. Sears' books I offer them too saying "As you can see,
even devout Christians believe differently on baby care."
I ask them to just try nursing more frequently for a few days to see how it
works for them. They can always go back to their original plan if it doesn't
work. I have had several mothers come back and tell me they and their babies
are sooooooo much happier that they know they are now doing the right thing.
Several have "thrown away" the book, because now their babies are not crying
all the time. They see that their advisor (friends at church, pastor, etc.)
may not be completely 'all knowing', and that God's voice can be heard in
many ways, sometimes in the crying of their babies.
You are so right, this is a delicate issue, and I try very hard not to come
between a mother and her church, but most are willing to listen IF you can
treat them with respect and gain their confidence.
Because this is a growing concern here where I live, I would like to hear
others peoples opinions and ways of dealing with this issue.
Jane Bradshaw LLLL, BSN, IBCLC
Private Practice in very Fundamental Lynchburg, Virginia
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