Quite so, Rachel. Not only in Scandinavia, but in many other western European countries as well.
As with anything in conseling it is the wording one chooses. Watch your language, to paraphrase Wiessinger. It is not the formality of cult or ceremony, but the having a reliable partner of any kind to offer help and support.
Warmly,
Gonneke, IBCLC, LLLL in southern Netherlands, happily and alternatively wedded 28 years ago last september and still safely attached ;-)
--- On Thu, 10/23/08, Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
From: Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: [LACTNET] prejudging, culture, and setting
To: [log in to unmask]
Date: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 4:04 PM
Lara questioned why someone living with the father of her child might be
expected to be manipulative, or the relationship more tenuous than if they
were formally married, as implied in a post by someone from the US. Where
many of us live, it is the rule rather than the exception that parents are
formally married, and it carries no associations whatsoever with increased
rate of break-ups or father's lack of bonding to the child. If it is a
risk
factor where you live, then of course you will consider asking about it.
But this is a cultural thing, and for many of us it would simply be bizarre
to even bring it up, and if any of you come from places where health
personnel still notice or care whether a couple are married or not, you will
need to revise your view of reality if you come to work in Scandinavia or
Australia.
I do always ask whether a mother has help at home, regardless of whether she
lives with the father, married or otherwise. Neither marriage nor
cohabitation seem to be directly correlated with the willingness to pitch in
with laundry, cooking, shopping, or care of other children, in Norwegian
households. Partners who show up at the birth and stick around a lot on
post partum, seem to be just as committed to the child and to the mothers,
whether or not they are married.
Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway
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