Hi Rachael,
I'm still wondering, why should breastfeeding be different from any other
child care task? You mentioned that you don't like the idea of a parent
screwing up their nose and communicating disgust when changing a nappy and I
agree that this is unpleasant. But I know that I have changed many a nappy
(and I am sure that others have here too) while enjoying the opportunity it
gave for touching and communicating with the baby without enjoying the
changing of the nappy one bit! I don't think that there is anyone here who
would say that not enjoying changing nappies is likely to create problems
for mother or child. Surely breastfeeding can be the same. One can enjoy the
closeness and the communication without enjoying the breastfeeding.
Of course, there are women for whom the whole problem with breastfeeding is
the closeness and communication involved and they are going to communicate
this to their child at many other times apart from feeding. IMO in this
situation the very least the baby deserves then is decent food (ie
breastmilk). It is also entirely possible that despite the mother finding
the closeness difficult and not enjoying breastfeeding one little bit that
the hormones involved in breastfeeding actually assist her in her mothering.
I too hope that mothers can be happy in breastfeeding but I don't see that
they have too....is breastfeeding ordinary or special?? Maybe sometimes
both? but I don't think that we should ever aim for it to be just the latter
because if it is special it is expendable.
Karleen Gribble
Australia
----- Original Message -----
From: "Rachel Myr" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, August 10, 2008 6:56 PM
Subject: not liking breastfeeding
Karleen doesn't see a problem with mothers not enjoying breastfeeding, and
likens it to changing nappies or carrying out other childcare tasks that are
not traditionally associated with pleasurable feelings.
I'm not comfortable with the analogy, but then I don't like it when parents
wrinkle their noses and grimace and make remarks of disgust while changing
nappies, as though the baby could actually excrete waste in a more aesthetic
way if it only tried hard enough. OK, so I wouldn't bottle the fragrance
and market it as perfume, but it's not something any of us need to feel
shame or disgust over, and I guess I think maybe our attitudes toward all
our bodily products and functions could use improving.
But if someone continues to breastfeed while truly disliking it, they will
be hard put not to communicate this to the child, and it could have
consequences for how that child will handle physical intimacy to others, or
the balance between acknowledging one's own needs and the needs of others,
or the feelings that accompany hunger and satiety. It is not unthinkable to
me that being breastfed out of duty rather than desire or at least a
combination of duty and desire, could make it difficult to accept one's own
need for intimacy, or for satiety. So I nurture the hope that every mother
will at some point be outright happy that she is breastfeeding, that she
will be privy to the awareness of the magnitude of this simple, necessary
act, both in the sense of what she is imparting to the child and of what she
is experiencing herself.
If you loathe yourself, how can you communicate with any credibility to
those around you that they are loveable? I do not belong to a self-worship
cult of one, but I do consider it to be part of my job as a midwife to
celebrate life in all its terrible complexity, and to do so in a way that
shows the families I work with that I really believe it's better to be alive
than dead, and this means that I am glad they are alive too. In actual fact
it is more difficult to rejoice over some people's presence than over
others, but that's getting down to the trivialities of our personal quirks,
and has nothing to do with the basic principle of human worth that I hope
underlies my life.
Rachel Myr
Feeling unbearably sanctimonious now, in Kristiansand, Norway
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