Many women will tell you a sad story of why BF failed when they find out 
you are an LLL Leader, IBCLC, or even as a mom nursing her baby. it 
helps to have some kind of canned statement ready. I do not use the 
phrase "you did your best" because it is essentially belittling. Meaning 
it negates their story. And the truth is, we don't know if the mom "did 
her best" or whatever.

I think it is more appropriate to say something about their feelings 
rather than you did your best. Or say something like I am sorry you had 
such a hard time. This is genuine, as we are sorry when a mother quits.

I disagree that society fails us when we fail at breastfeeding. I 
believe we need more individual effort and commitment. Our society does 
make it harder to BF, yes that is so true -- but moms who have no 
individual will or commitment will not succeed as they won't put effort 
into it. And you can't make someone have the desire and commitment to BF.

Most people in the USA do not value BF enough. Period. The word is out 
there that BF is best, but not many care. So many accept that formula is 
okay without thinking about it.

I've offered BF help to so many women who do not want help but are happy 
doing what they are doing (total bottles or half and half bottle and 
breast). I offered BF help to a pregnant lady at church a few months 
ago. Never heard anything and this Sunday she asked me a BF question. 
She said she was doing better than last baby and was thrilled to be 
nursing half and formula feeding half. I could have helped her nurse 
100% but her saying how happy she was to be doing half and half made me 
realize that this is what many women want/choose/and are happy with.

So did the US society or culture fail her? Well, I would say no. She 
knows breast is best as evidenced by her using the words she was so 
happy at her nursing situation this time around -- and she was offered 
BF help during pregnancy without using that help. Did society fail her 
because she is happy with half way success? Hmmmm.....

Just some thoughts, Kathy Eng, BSW, IBCLC

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