Nathalie says:
"I can now see a clearer picture of it all. The mom was not
interacting with the baby because she felt like a bad mother, she
was depressed with all that situation. It was all a result of the
baby's refusing to eat and I guess she felt like the baby rejected
her since the first months because she was rejecting the breast."

It is so important to look beyond the "snapshot" we see in one
visit.  Years ago Bruno Bettleheim stated that mothers of autistic
children were "cold" mothers so that was what caused the autism.
Most mothers simply internalized this and had loads of guilt
feelings.  Others rebelled and tried to point out that their
behavior was a RESULT not a cause.  There was a great documentary on
PBS a while back on this subject called "Refrigerator Moms"-(nothing
to do with what they posted on their refirgerators).  If you ever
get a chance to see it, I would highly recommend it.  He was called
by many "Brutal" Bettleheim as a relust of all this.  Eventually,
after years of moms beating themselves over his earlier
pronouncements, he changed his tune and said that just maybe moms'
behaviors were a reaction to the child rather than being a
contributing factor.  No matter how much you love your baby (and
even because of how much you love your baby) you will hold back on
physically expressing that love if you perceive that it is painful
for the baby!

So, while it is definitely important for us to assess not just what
is happening at the "mouth/breast connection" but also to take into
account the general mothering behavior, we must be careful not to be
too quick to attach a particular interpretation to the behavior we
see.  There is always more than meets the eye.

Winnie

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