I saw Alexis' request on Lactnet for info for this mom in a custody battle, and I saw a response or two that shocked me as well.  As a child whose hospitalization at 18 months involved separation from my parents (a requirement of the hospital 45 years ago!), I am only now coming to an understanding
of the devastating effect that had on me, an effect which has impacted the whole rest of my life in ways I did not understand before.  I agree wholeheartedly with you  (and researched Liz Baldwin's materials again and she appeared to agree), that the separations from mom should not involve
overnights until the child is ready for them.  To me, that is sacrificing the child on the alter of divorce equity.  I do not believe fathers are less important than mothers by any means, but to say that father's rights should supercede the right of the child to feel secure and have a relationship
based on her needs not her parents', is insensitive to the child.  I am appalled that we, as a society, presume to know what children think and need, when we cannot know their thoughts, at such an early age.  Just because a child does not remember a particular time in their life (as I do not
remember that early hospitalization) does not mean it cannot do lasting harm, as I believe it did to me.  My parents were assured that I needed to know they would always come back, when they asked the doctor if they should just stay away until my release because their leaving every night left me
screaming.  I can assure you that that knowledge (that they would always come back) did little to calm my insecurity.  It sounded good in theory.  Too bad it didn't work in reality.  Just last night I shed tears for the little girl in me that remembers the horrors of that separation.  Indeed it is
imprinted very deeply on my psyche.  I wanted to comfort her because she still hurts over it and I am piecing together the pieces of my childhood -and adult life- that never made sense to me until recently, that are a reflection of that early fear and insecurity.  I have a very loving and close
family, so it is nothing that has happened since that could have caused this.  I hope, for the sake of this little girl, that you find the support and info you need for this mother.  The child needs a relationship with her father also, but at what cost to her emotional security?  That is the fine
line that must be walked, forging that relationship while respecting the needs of the child.  Good luck.

Marsha, who is baring a bit of her soul, just as BWC did recently....


Marsha Glass RN, BSN, IBCLC ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~John S. C. Abbot~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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