Special invitation to the inauguration (accepted) went out to that great,
innovative master of contemporary American music: Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Informed sources say the incoming administration is trying to take
attention away from the Ashcroft nomination by featuring somebody more
obnoxious than the good Senator from Missurra.

Other headliners in the cultural extravaganza: Ricky Martin, Bo Derek and
Clint Black, representing, respectively, the best modern, super-macho Latin
beat, Thespian excellence, and country music can offer.  Consideration was
given to a certain blind singer to appeal to both Republican opera fans and
the handicapped, but in the end, the plan appeared to be outside the
parameters of the "being a uniter, not a divider" paradigm.

Janos Gereben/SF, CA
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