Jane Bradshaw responded to Mary that, << Giving a mother a free year of formula is not a wonderful gift in good faith. >> I think this is too simple. Even though there no NO justication for giving free formula as a gift, the givers probably did do it in good faith. They are under the misimpression that formula feeding is normal, and believe -- correctly in one sense, but wrongly in another -- that if the family doesn't want to use the formula it won't. So to them it just seemed like a nice gift, period, I betcha. (Don't get me started on the formula company that donated the free case to the hospital -- another story altogether -- but I'm just focusing on the sadly clueless hcp's, right here.) Mary, I think you are absolutely right to protest to them, but their response makes it clear that what they need is not more bullhorns but more education. Just like with the mothers, we need to meet them where they are. I know some time has gone by and perhaps this is moot already in the particular case, but since we all know this is not a one-time event, here's how I might organize a second letter. The main rhetorical points are: 1) Start by praising the person you have come to criticize for whatever you can legitimately praise them for -- no lies, but stretch yourself!. 2) Next bring the problems with what they did that you don't like -- but don't focus on their having done it, just on the problems. What they did is water under the bridge now; your job is to persuade them for next time. 3) Starting here, and for the rest of the letter, put them and yourself together in the category of "we," rather than standing apart from them as "you" vs "me." Nobody takes advice from enemies. 4) End by imagining the situation you would prefer. Here's an example. "Dear Hospital Flunky," [obviously don't write this in your letter, but it does feel good to write it in private!] "Thanks for responding to my letter about the free formula our hospital gave to So & So. I want to assure you that I am confident that this gift was given in good faith. and with good intentions. . . [That's #1] "But even with those good intentions, there's a lot of research that shows that the good health choice to bf a baby is easily undermined by the ready availability of formula. I'm attaching a couple of those studies, in which you can see that mothers who were perfectly confident about their bf at the time of discharge nevertheless weaned earlier if they got gifts of free formula. And we know what the results of that earlier weaning are for their babies: ..... [That's #2] "Even though the mother may have felt at first that she has gotten a great present from us, in the long term the only one who will benefit from our having given out formula is the formula company, which has used us to persuade one more mother that switching to artificial feeding bf is a predictable step, one that she will take soon, and well before the first birthday that the AAP recommends as a minimum term of bf. Otherwise she wouldn't need that formula at all. [That's more of #2, and #3] "I hope in the future that our good will toward mothers can be expressed with a gift that will not only please them when they receive it, but also contribute to their health and their baby's health over the longer term -- or at least not undermine it." [That's #4] If any of this helps, feel free to steal it or emend it at will! (Not just Mary, either -- this is a blanket permission to all and sundry...) Elisheva Urbas who writes editorial letters all day for a living... *********************************************** The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html