>I think the above statements are ones that push my emotional buttons.

Me too.

 "Don't, whatever you do, allow him to use you as a
>pacifier."

I've begun asking, "Why not? Why would they say that?" It brings the new
mother to a pondering place and, I hope, to the beginning of claiming this
baby as her own.

The root word of pacifier is peace.  Why wouldn't a mother want to be able
to help her baby feel at peace?

I also point out that the baby isn't using HER as a pacifier, but that the
plastic, silicone thing is the substitute.  The baby can be using the
pacifier as a mother.
"Don't, whatever you do, allow him to use the pacifier as a substitute for
you."

And as I've posted before, I talk about what these older moms were told when
they longed to pick up and cuddle their own precious ones. Perhaps they
denied themselves the pleasures they desired, and feel an obligation to pass
this "hard stuff" on to the next generation. They still harbor the fears
that they were taught.

We talk about a  baby's mouth being a major seat of comfort and pleasure for
an infant.  Also that feeding at the breast is a full-body experience, not
just oral.  She feels, sees, smells, touches, and hears mother when at the
breast, not to mention swinging legs and arms around in joy. All is well.

I'll bet you're thinking you'd not want Pat Gima to be there expounding,
when you have called her to help you with your cracked and bleeding nipples.
I don't do all of this talking all at once.  I don't deliver epistles at
each home visit.  But they do bring up the advice they are given, and I
invite the new mother to follow her heart, and not mother her baby out of
fear. I am selective in how much "soft" information I share. I usually see a
mom at least twice with several phone calls and often find that I hear her
longing for *permission* to comfort and nurture her baby.

Patricia Gima, IBCL
Milwaukee




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