<<Do you think that new-parent shock is something that needs to be dealt with
as it comes up, because ahead of time we just "don't get it"? Or should
preparation be more life-long? Ideally, I'd say we should all be better-
prepared, but I'm not sure it works that way; I know that, with years of
professional chlid-care under my belt and a life-long love of and experience
with babies, I was in TOTAL SHOCK with my first. NOTHING could have prepared
me. But open acknowledgement and loving acceptance and reassurance that I
wasn't just by nature a bad mother  would have gone a long way towards my
understanding of mothering in those first few weeks/months.>>

You have said it all, honey.   I think the only way to really get it in
advance is to have been exposed to a lot, a lot, of baby time in advance, and
ideally not just one baby either.    In societies that have more kids and less
privacy people take this for granted.   In our world the only people I know
who "get it" this way before their own kids are born, regardless of their
professional training, are people who were themselves among the oldest in a
family of, say, eight or more siblings, where the big sister really does
become the little mother.     I think the "egg baby" games are good in that
they at least *prepare* kids to learn this with an open mind later.   But the
only way to really know about babies is to deal with babies -- just as,
honestly, the only way to learn about plumbing is with a wrench in your hand.

Elisheva Urbas, nyc