This is not really about a baby crying.. Baby's cry: it's how they
communicate their needs. The issue is if a baby is crying alone and
uncomforted as the parent is swamped. Removing the warmth of skin to
skin, human voice, arms to hold and shushing to comfort... those are the
dangers in crying. No-one attending to the needs that prompted the cry
in the first place. Left to it, is when cries change to overt
life-threatening distress and the baby attempts to get someone back to
it before the tigers come and eat it, as it is abandoned and doomed. It
is when the danger crying is ignored, and the body then starts to shut
the baby down, in order to make sure even the tiger doesn't notice...
that is when the damage is done.
Both Margot Sunderland and Sears, plot out the different biologies to
crying with loving attention, and crying alone and abandoned.
Sunderland quotes all the science studies separately. (Something a
certain University in Australia should read, as they are about to
commence a controlled study on CIO, to see if it does indeed, flood the
baby with cortisol. Bets are closed. :-( )
As for what to do... Karp's 5 S's would be something I'd consider
taking in. The issue with a baby that is crying a great deal, is the
stress this places on parenting. Parents feel swamped and helpless. No
one technique can be suggested that will help all parents learn to sooth
and comfort a distressed baby. The issue is making sure that parents
know that not attempting to soothe and comfort, will wreak harm. But as
a single technique to arm yourself, I'd suggest that Karp's 5 S's are a
good, hard and fast, obvious and useful example, of how to try and
connect with a baby physically, whilst dealing with your own panic over
the crying.
And make sure you keep them on the subject matter at hand: the issue is
not how to deal with baby's crying, the issue is how to support parents
who can't cope with parenting a baby in distress. So you don't give
them 'permission' to walk away and abandon the problem. 1) They never
will learn how to cope and 2) The baby will be harmed. So what is
gained? If you search the archives, you'll find that Karp posted in
here about 18 months ago, and he spoke convincingly of the need to give
swamped and 'at-the-end-of-their-tether parents _something_ to stop them
rejecting their baby entirely. But make it clear it's end-of-the-road
advice, not a solve all, for all parents to use routinely.
Morgan Gallagher
Marianne Vanderveen-Kolkena wrote:
> That is what my present question is about: I'm swamped with stuff to read and things to figure out, in order to be well prepared for the meeting in which we can comment on the guideline that is about to be implemented. One item in this discussion is: "Well, if you don't agree with letting baby cry and swaddling him, what do *you* suggest as a solution for parents who can't deal with their crying baby anylonger?"
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