Let's hope that the adoption plan was for an open adoption, wherein the
birthmother has met and had some say in choosing the adoptive parents, to
whom she will then legally transfer the permanent responsibilities of
parenting, not "give the baby up".

Openness, in greater or lesser degree, is the path that infant adoptions
in general are now taking. Secrecy, and control by adoption professionals
has fallen out of favor because so much more is known about the lifelong
emotional effects revealed by countless adoptees (and birthmothers).

The adoptive parents then have not only full authority to parent, but
helpful information to give the child when they feel he is ready, not
setting up the heartbreaking scenario of searching and fear of rejection
when he becomes an adult.

If this is the nature of this young mother's adoption plan, and she
decides to finalize it legally,  the adoptive parents will eventually be
able to provide the child the knowledge of what a healthy start the
birthmother chose to give, one that no one else in the world could
possibly have given, even though her situation prevented her taking
permanent responsibility for parenting.

The basic credo of adoption professionals is that adoption exists to
provide a family for a child, not a child for a family. Pre and post
placement counseling for members of the adoption triad is an important
service provided by agencies. The importance and availability of this is
not always made known to those who bypass agencies.

It remains to be seen if  the trend to openness can be expanded to
consider discussing some breastfeeding as a priceless benefit for the
child. I commend this young mother, no matter whether she decides to
parent her child, or transfer that responsibility legally to the adoptive
parents. Hats off to the LC who refused to interfere with this mother's
right to make her own decision.

K. Jean Cotterman RNC, IBCLC
Biological mother of 5 and adoptive mother of 1

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